Monday, July 6, 2009

Manic, Moody Monday!

Oh man, I am feeling BEAT DOWN today. I am exhausted after the long, very full, busy weekend I just had. I am moody because I am a woman (enough said!) and I am being challenged by Satan ripping into me, putting all kinds of doubts and stupid thoughts in my mind.

I will plan a big fun post tomorrow about the long weekend - but I think the best I can do today is vent my insides out!

Satan is really putting doubt in to me right now. I can't really explain it all as I don't get it all, but I can ask for some very specific prayers in relation to this all!

1) One huge doubt that is eating me is that I am friendless! WHICH IS NUTS BECAUSE HELLO! I have friends. It's more that people are faking. Yesterday at church was just odd to me. (Probably because I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off) I wanted to connect with people and when I did, it seemed like we were all kind of in a funk. I don't know how to explain it, other than that it made me doubt my friendships. Satan knows when to come in and place the seeds.

2) Along with that, I feel like I don't belong. I am too heavy/fat. I feel like in order to fit in I have to be super active and skinny.

3) My heart just feels heavy - not sure why - just is...

4) I am exhausted. This weekend killed me. I feel like I could sleep all week!

5) I am stressed about money - again

Ok, well, I am going to go...please just be praying for me. I keep telling myself God is good he will get my through!


Heatherlyn said...

It's really normal to have insecurities, no matter what a person looks like. I have to talk myself out of insecurities. It sounds like "of course they like you. they have no reason not to like you" etc. Kind of silly. But I know it's true. Very few people won't like you. And then, for those who don't, they usually have a lot of personal problems.

I hope you feel better soon. It's probably hormones!

Ali said...


I will say, whenever I serve Connections, I never leave church "filled up." It's kind of the opposite of what you would think considering I'm serving, but I always run around like a mad woman only to leave church thinking, "man, I just need to breath!" Those are the days that I have to remember why I serve and though it is so tough, I have to be very prayerful and intentional about placing my selfish desires to connect with people and socialize aside. It's never easy.


Marla Taviano said...

I'm your friend. And I don't choose my friends based on their size/shape. And I thought you did an awesome job Sunday. Love you!

Carrie said...

I totally get where you're coming from:

1) I feel this same way a LOT. Hope you were able to connect with a friend today!

2) Yes. There are WAY too many skinny, fit people at family camp this week.

3) I'm sorry.

4) Being tired NEVER helps with emotions. Hope you can get some rest!!!

5) This is so hard!! I'll be praying that God provides for you!!!