Monday, September 14, 2009

Yes, I do want another baby!

I feel the need to address something I have had some people ask me the question, "Do you want another one?" "When will you have another one..."

Yes and someday.

I have always wanted 2 children - my dream is one of each (though whatever I have I have!) So yes, I do want another one, very much...

But I can honestly say I am not ready...sorry for those of you who want me to have one now!

I cannot accurately describe what I went through. Sure, I can tell you all about the horror of an emergency c-section, being in ICU with a tube down my throat, my son in NICU, yadda yadda, but unless you experience it first hand, you can not truly understand what it does to you and how you feel. It was scary, it was unplanned, it was one of the hardest things I have been through. I came out of that with not only PPD, but also PTSD. And to this day I struggle with PPD, yes, I am on anti-depressants - I am human.

I don't know when we will have another one. I have no plans to start trying anytime soon. There are a lot of reasons:

- I have a healthy happy child that I want to focus on. While, yes, he's doing great, I want to be able to be available to him if he should need therapy. I don't want to have to have another child to work with too. Parker is important right now. His growth and development is top priority.

- I don't know what risks I have in another pregnancy. And until I can sit down with my Dr. and see what the future holds, I will not fill comfortable being pregnant again...

- The thought of a repeat emergency c-section scares me. It's not the c-section itself (I quite enjoy the fact I don't have to push anything out ;) ) It's the circumstances. The health scare, the fact that I was so sick I could have died (and no I am not exaggerating).

- I would certainly prefer to not have another preemie...and that goes back the risks...I need to know what the future holds.

- I am still working through PPD - yes, it's less severe than before, but I don't want to get all better to get it back right away.

I hope and pray that we do have another baby! I want one, but I am not ready...(though I do have names picked out - and no I will not share - I don't want them stolen!)

So there ya go - in case you were wondering.


Ali said...

Only in God's timing . . .

Marla Taviano said...

I think you're very wise.

Carrie said...

I'm sure I can only imagine what you've gone through - even though I had a not-too-bad birth experience & a healthy child from the beginning, I also struggled, not quite to the level of PPD, but I struggled emotionally for those first few weeks, and I am nervous about this 2nd one also, so I understand the nervousness just a tiny bit. :) God will show you when the time is right, and especially if you only want two, you've got lots of time. :) It's wise to focus on Parker's development right now, too. :)

Crissy said...

Hi Sweetie,

There is never any rush to have another child. You are making a well thought out and wise decision in focusing on the blessing that you have. When the time is right God will take these fears from you and you will be ready! You are blessed! Love you bunches!

Morgan said...

Was the reason you were intubated because of the c-section being an emergency?

Hopefully with a scheduled c-section things would go much smoother and not so scary!