Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Strong Willed Parker or Normal 2 yr old.

Let me be frank - I have had it up to here with some of Parker's actions recently and I am feeling confused and lost. I don't know whether to chalk it up to being a normal 2 yr old or being strong willed. I love my Parker so much and I want to be the best parent for him, but I feel kinda stuck right now.

For example - today he wanted to color. I sat him down at the table and gave him his coloring page from Sunday to color. I was babysitting at the time, so I was trying to get Livi to sleep and was holding her while Parker was coloring. He got done, got down and walked away, crayon in hand. I laid Livi down on the couch and turned around to Parker coloring the window. I asked him to stop, he kept going. I took the crayon away and put it up, cleaned up his stuff at the table and went on about my business of picking up the room some.

Later I turn around to Parker doing it yet again. I am not sure where the crayon came from - I assume probably found it on the floor. I told him no again and that if he did it again he'd get a time out. He told me color and pointed to the table so I put him back up and gave him his paper and let him color. No more than 2 seconds into it, I see him running over to the window and coloring again.

I took the crayon away and put him in time out. He got mad of course and threw a tantrum. But sat there. When he was done, we had our discussion and we went on playing. Well, he finds another crayon - I swear they appear out of no where or he has a stash some where. I look at him and ask him to bring it to me, he looks right at me, says no, turns around and with a smile colors the window.

At this point I am so frustrated. I take him and put him in his room for 2 minutes and debate whether to spank. I have real issues with that, I don't want that to be a huge form of discipline - though in some cases I believe it's necessary. As he was throwing his fit in his room. I started double and triple checking for more crayons. I didn't find anymore thankfully.

Another example - tonight he wanted to go on our balcony and play. I told him he could for a bit and then it would be bed time. He got real mad at me, threw a toy and fell to the ground screaming and crying and kicking. He did this for a few minutes and started throwing more toys. Drew took him to his room where he proceeded with his tantrum for I would say I good 10 or so more minutes. It was very unusual for it to go on that long. But he got it out of his system and was fine.

I just feel stuck. I don't know whether I am doing anything right. I feel like everything I do is wrong. He's getting a little violent to me - not often, but enough that I am concerned. I blame myself for not doing things right, ya know? My son should know better, so why do he act out and hit me at times. I am terrified of him becoming an out of control kid. It makes me want to cry.

I dont know what to do. I am trying to find some parenting books or something of encouragement as not a failure...but it scares me.

Please pray for me, Drew and Parker. I am feeling really frustrated about it all right now.

Thanks for letting me vent - any encouragement or thoughts is appreciated.

3 comments:

Ali said...

D - First, don't beat yourself up. Ask ANY parent and they'll tell you that the toddler years are rough. Like crazy what-is-going-on rough. Rough. Rough.
You are NOT alone.
I'd love to chat with you more . . . every child is different so what works with me/Henry might not work with you/Parker. But sometimes it helps to just chat it out.
Love you, gal!

ciaobellamamma said...

Normal two-year-old.

Not that we shouldn't always be trying to perfect our discipline, because obviously it's our job to teach our kids that that behavior is unacceptable.

BUT. It is so normal for him to act that way.

I don't know if you have younger siblings, but I am big sister to two crazy boys, and I've experienced so many tantrums I think I am desensitized to them, haha :)

But I'm not going to give any discipline advise because I am trying to find balance and consistency with my own discipline for Adry.

I spank him a little more than I'd like and am trying to cut that out... But it is good that Parker stays in timeout. I have to use a lot of strength to hold Adry in place, and then he ends up hitting or biting and I have to figure out how to discipline him WHILE disciplining him, and I always resort to spanking even when I don't want to. I just simply don't know what else to do.

But I DO know that I only (attempt) to use time out or spanking when he has been defiant/ hasn't listened to me/ deliberately disobeys me for the sake of disobeying to test boundaries. When it comes to rowdy behavior I usually try to take things away or redirect him while explaining to him the reason he can't act that way.

But, I guess it bothers me when I see adults doing something like eating snackies around a 2-yr-old kid, and the kid asks for the snack and they are told "no", so the kid whines for the snack and then the kid gets punished for throwing a fit about not getting a snack. I blame the adult for stuff like that because they should have never let it get that far-- they should have put the snack away or redirected the kid so something else. Putting temptation in a small child's face and expecting them to act adult about it is not cool.

That's all I got :)

Carrie said...

Oh my word, SO normal- you just described my typical day! :)

I've said before that I use spanking, but lately Z really hates going to his room and sitting by himself (like, for one minute), so I bring that up as a warning, and it helps. Spanking doesn't always solve anything either, because after you've spanked, what do you do? Say, I'm going to spank you again?

But, yes, completely and totally normal, and I have no answers, just the same frustrations all the way around!