Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Bye Bye Me, Hello God!

Apologies that I did not post a Radical response last week. I did in fact write one, but it never posted or saved and I did not have want to rewrite it again - mainly because it was a very raw, not well thought out, this is me cleansing myself kind of post. You can be sure that this week, I am making sure I have a draft saved.

Radical Chapter 3: Beginning at the End of Ourselves

This chapter discusses the importance of relying on God's power. It discusses American Dream reliance on our own abilities versus the Gospel reliance on God's power. Very powerful stuff I tell ya! One of my favorite quotes out of this chapter states, "While the goal of the American dream is to make much of us, the goal of the gospel is to make much of God." 

When I rely on myself, I glorify myself - that is not who I am. To be honest, I have learned not to rely on myself or other people. Too many times in the past I have been let down by myself and my "abilities" I thought I had or others and the "abilities" I thought they had. I have been very disappointed and hurt and I do care around the scars and still raw cuts that come from that.

I'd like to say I always have faith and rely in God's power, but the truth I even struggle with that. Am I better at it then I used to be - absolutely. Especially in the last 5 years, I have had some very traumatic, challenging, eye-opening situations where I was left with nothing but believing in God's power. It is through these situations that I definitely see what David Platt is saying when he says:
...God actually delights in exalting our inability. He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him. In the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined. And in the end, he makes much of his own name. (Page 47)
As I wrote that passage I was transported back to May 29, 2008. If it weren't for God's power - I might not have a son sleeping in the room next to mine. I might not be here myself. I didn't really have the time to doubt God's power, all I knew was that He would take control. My baby was not supposed to be born that day, he was 11 weeks early. God gave the doctors the guidance they needed to figure out that both my son and I were very ill. HE gave them the knowledge on just the right ways to treat both Parker and myself. He healed my body, he protected my precious 2lb boy after he was birthed, it wasn't the doctors - no IT. WAS. HIM. He worked through those doctors, nurses, specialists and his power was proven. He made much of his name, because now, over 2 years later, I can tell the world that my Daddy up in heaven is so powerful, that he saved my son and me...I mean that's totally God...

The other situation that comes into my mind is my current one. I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is God in me that is getting me through this current challenge of life. It's a big mess of a ball of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and marriage challenges. (Not to mention more stuff that I haven't even figured out yet!) And it's all really coming to head at the same time. To be transparent here....I go to counseling every week, I am on anti-depressants, and my husband and I go to marriage counseling too. Knowing how mentally and emotionally warn I am, I know that is not by my ability that I get up in the morning and take care of my son. It's not by my ability that I am still on Weight Watchers even though I have been plateauing for a while...It's all by God's power.

For possibly the first time in my life, I feel the Spirit in me...David Platt explains it this way.
Think about it this way. Maybe you are going through a struggle in your life...So you go to God in prayer and you ask him to comfort you. Do you realize what God does? He doesn't give you comfort. Instead he give you the Holy Spirit, who is called the Comforter. The Holy Spirit literally comes to dwell in you and puts the very comfort of Christ inside you as you walk through your pain. (Page 57)
David Platt goes on to describe the Holy Spirit living in you as your Guide, your Spirit of wisdom and strength. And wraps up those examples by saying, "...the very presence of God living in you." You'd think I would know this, growing up in church, but it hasn't really been until lately that it has been so obvious. The hot mess that I am working on in counseling really takes it's toll on me. Yet, I come home after my Tuesday session and am able to feel at peace. Sure I may cry, I may scream, I may be beyond confused, but knowing that the very presence of God is living in me and He is comforting me and giving me strength - Wow.

This is why I don't often rely on myself anymore. (Or I'd like to believe I don't!) Because God has shown himself and his power in my life recently. Looking back, now, I can even see it when I didn't know it was there and I was relying on myself. I want to live at a place of complete and utter dependance on God, were there is not a doubt in my mind that he's got it, It's all good! Am I there yet, nope, because I am human and I am learning and growing, but when that day comes - I think my life will be a lot easier.

Here's to dying to ourselves and living radically in utter dependance on God.

To find out more about the Radical Read-Along, head on over to Marla's blog for the "rules" and to read other radically challenging posts!


alittlebitograce said...

oh thank you for your honesty! Me too! Last night as I was driving in the rain on the highway, my anxiety kicked in and I just kept repeating over and over "Lord Jesus, help me!" I hate how depression, anxiety, PTSD and chronic fatigue impact my life, especially my family, but I love how they force me to rely so much on God and give Him the glory. When I have a great day and accomplish a lot, it isn't because I'm awesome, but because Christ has strengthened me. Thank you for sharing! i'm so glad my post blessed you today as well. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing and being so open about your heart. I will pray for you this week!

Jennifer Faulk said...

What a beautiful, living example of God's power -- your adorable son! I admire your honesty about the challenges you're facing now. Surely God is leading you through this so that He can be glorified in your life, just as He's glorifying Himself even now through your son's life. Blessings to you!

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

Relying on Him with you...beautiful post!