Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I hear ya loud and clear God!

So I have been kind of waiting today to write and post this blog because I just need to process and work through what I read. Chapter 8 "Grace Interrupted" of Your Secret Life I am quite certain was God's wake up call letter to me. I am convinced that God had Kary Oberbrunner write that chapter and the words in it for me to read at this point in my life. A lot of what he wrote is exactly how I feel.

On page 96 he writes, 
"Funny how we humans go to great lengths to do life in our own strength. After all, if we abandon God first, then he can't abandon us...We prefer self-induced loneliness over other initiated rejection. With the former, we're at the steering wheel, in control. But with the latter, we're sticking our necks out and we'd much rather play itself.."
I see this in my life currently - it's part of why I got into counseling. I realized that I just simply could not rely on my own strength to get me through the hard mountains I was facing in my life. For far too long I saw myself as a nobody where God was concerned. Like Kary, I assumed God was far more concerned about the presidents, the religious leaders, the "worse off" than me. I figured he was more concerned about the dying, the homeless, the ... insert anyone other than myself here. I just couldn't imagine that I and my problems were that important to him.

And so I chose to take it all on my own, carry all my baggage, not bother God - what was the point, I was just plain old lil me. And here's where more of Kary's words come to play again.
"All our baggage makes it hard for us to move, so it's a good thing God isn't waiting on us. God already made the first move, it's called creation and it's only one of the ways he woos our hearts back to him - through brilliant colored skyscapes suspended effortlessly to the air...His beauty whispers loudly." pg. 96
Kary recounts a letter he received that changed his thoughts and where he realized that God does care about him, he needs him, liked he said on page 98. For me, I don't recall a letter, but I will say this, the more I read this book, the more I heal through my counseling, the more I mature - the more I realize God needs me, he uses me, he loves me and cares about me more than I can understand or imagine.


Why do I allow myself to not listen to this? Stupid lies, stupid satan. God knows the heartaches I have been through, he knows the wounds, the scars, the murky, gross, nasty junk that I am working through. And he will use all of it, good and bad for his glory in his time. He extends his grace to me and I need to accept that. It's not always easy, you know, to trust that God's got it, he's all good, everything is under control. Believe me, I have been there at that, "Really God, explain how you 'got' this, because it sure seems you like you have better things to work on" thought go through me head, a number of times, and recently too.

But God - God is like ridiculously awesome. He's not going anywhere. And He's gonna teach me and I know there are times that I will completely miss the grace he's extended, but you know what, deep down, I know God's got it, even in my crazy human sized mind I can't see very well.

Today I was in the car and listening to a song on the radio. Now, this is a song I love and have heard many a time, but until today I just didn't really listen to them and let them soak in. It's a beautiful song and here are the lyrics: Beautiful, Beautiful
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
 One hour, one day, one step at a time...I am getting ever closer to my God and to my secret name.

**This is my review/post from the Read Along, hosted by Marla for the book "Your Secret Name."

1 comment:

Kary Oberbrunner said...

Thanks for not listening to the Father of Lies.