Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Other Path

"God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way." ~ C.S. Lewis

These past weeks have been nothing short of a nightmare. God has opened my eyes to things I never expected, things have happened that I never planned, and my faith has been tested.

See, the path I was on, is no more - somehow I am on a completely different path. One that to me is completely heartbreaking, scary and not at all what I wanted for my life. I keep saying, "I can't believe this is my life." God knew this would happen, he is not surprised, but that does little for my self pity and loathing. 

No, I won't go into detail. It's not something I need to explain. If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't be on my blog. Period. You will notice changes, you will notice a lot of changes. Things will fall into place and things will be understood over time. 

My summer is looking completely different than what I planned. My future is looking completely different than what I had planned. I am on a course that to me - seems like a horrible hellish time, but in all of it, I am relying on God. God is not surprised and I am not alone. Like the quote above says... "God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way" - apparently I have a lot to learn.

What is that exactly? I don't know, maybe that I have more strength than I realized, maybe that I can be ok on this path, that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. Maybe it's to learn how to Fully rely on God, not someone else. Maybe it's to learn how to do it all and be awesome. Maybe it's to teach me that this path does not automatically mean failure in my life. 

I have been low...I remain low. I am scared, overwhelmed, depressed, confused, a lot of emotions. I feel like a big 'ol ball of mess. It's hard to allow myself to know that things will be ok...not when I am in the middle of this storm in my life. 

Nothing really makes sense, but I have a God to cling to! That's what's important.

So here's the thing that comes with these changes in my life - a change in my blog. Yes, I will do meme's, but I want to use this blog as an I am making some changes...

1) Starting monday you can find my blog at I'd love to keep you as followers, but understand if you don't follow me.

2) I will be opening up a bit more, I will be more transparent and real. I have a lot to process. 

3) I have changed the name and the look. 'nough said.

Thanks for following me, hope to see you at the new blog.


Carrie said...

I will be continuing to follow you & of course I am praying for you in all of these changes. I know this time is so hard & heartbreaking, as I told you I have two close friends who have gone through similar heartbreaks in the last year, and I have been amazed at how God has strengthened them each & worked amazingly through them even though of course it has been difficult and neither of them expected to ever walk this path either. I love you and you know that God does, too. :)

Anonymous said...

I love you!! Love the new blog too! Keep your chin up girl. Lean on the Lord and all of your wonderful friends. We have your back. :-)