Thursday, December 4, 2008

Hi, Again...PPD

I am in a load of tears right now, I just re-read the post by Rocks in my Dryer about PPD and the struggle. I want you all to know, in case you didn't, that I am currently struggling with it. I will admit that I am doing a ton better then when I was first diagnosed, but to be honest, I still struggle with it daily. I have grown at hiding it behind a mask. The mask of, oh I am happy go lucky me and everything is a ok. Secretly though, I sit at home and am down right miserable. Don't get me wrong, I have good days, many, often, but I do have those bad days. I feel so alone and find it hard and impossible to ask for love and help. To be honest, here is how you can help me. Don't expect me to come right out and be like...hey guess what I am depressed today. You will know I think, I may not come right out and say it, but if you pay attention to me on here, or facebook or twitter, you will know.

A tidbit from the post:
What I'd like for you to know about how to help a loved one going through PPD:

Listen, love, hug.
Practical help. Just show up and do something. It will be very hard for her to call and ask for help.
Take her out for coffee, a walk or a girls' night out.
Email her a Scripture-a-day or a note of encouragement.
Let her know she is a great mom! Her self-confidence is shot and her sense of what is "normal" is out the window.
Husbands need a break, too. Most likely, the stress and worry is taking a toll on him. Encourage your husband or another guy to take him out for lunch.
You may have to be more bold in your friendship if you notice she is not herself, suspect PPD, and need to question her and take her to the doctor yourself. It is ok to do that, just use wisdom.

I am not going to lie....there are days that I lay on the couch and feel terrible, I may not cry, but I certainly am not me. The other day when Parker was just fussy, I spent most of the day hiding in my bedroom while he would scream...I just kept saying, I can't do this, what was God thinking, I can't do this. I am on anti-depressants...sure, they help, but not ALWAYS. And on top of the PPD, things are tight here at home with money, which just makes it all that much worse.

So yah, I have PPD and I hate it, I hate that i can't always enjoy my perfect little miracle, I hate that I hide behind a mask, I hate that I am opening up about this because I felt lead to after reading the post.

Ok, I'm done now!


Katherine Stone said...

You are not alone. This is a very common illness and very treatable. Come hang out with the other Warrior Moms at Postpartum Progress ( We've been there and we're with you.

Ali said...

Sending you a virtual hug {squeeze}.

Renee C said...

Will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Junior said...

I'm going through the same kinda things, not PPD though, kinda like pre-partum depression. Either way (hugs) to you

Tara said...

Oh, honey. ((((Hugs)))) I know that writing this out took so much courage and that it was so hard to do. As Katherine said above, you are definitely not alone - there are so many of us out here and we'll walk with you through it. Feel free to email me if you need any support or have questions - you WILL get through this! -Tara (writer of the post at "Rocks in My Dryer) (

Anonymous said...

i just had to write...i followed the link from postpartum progress. my baby was born premature 6 years ago and spent 49 days in the NICU. honestly, by the time she could come home i was wondering what would happen if i just didn't go get her! it was a hard, lonely journey with very little sleep, lots of reflux meds, and endless anxiety but my little girl did get bigger, and healthier, and i got my sanity back (just recently, i think!). hang in there, there's a light at the end of the tunnel!