Mother's Day Recap

Mommies out there - I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day! I know mine was super special and I had a great day. Here is a recap of the day.

Mother's day started out like a normal Sunday. Got up, got dressed, usual routine with Parker, ate, headed to church. Church was good. We had baby dedications and the sermon was good as well. Drew had left for church earlier than me to help with set up and such, so when I got there, i was surprised by this:



It a reusable cup from Starbucks, I LOVE IT! He had it filled with my favorite drink - Green Tea Lemonade Sweetened. MMMM. He also presented me with a $15 itunes card. Probably to get me off his back for wanting some new songs on my iphone. (Kidding!) However, it was hard to pick just 15 songs...I had a long list. But I narrowed it down. Can't wait to have those on my phone tonight!

After church we had cake and punch for the families who had their child dedicated. I then came home and was surprised - Again. Mandi was here, she has a spare key from way back when she took care of our cat for us. She came over while we were at church and cleaned the apartment some. She also set up my Mother's Day surprise. It was honestly very nice to come home and have a clean living room that had been swept. On my dining room table were a balloon bouquet, some flowers and a few gift boxes. In the smallest box was a beautiful necklace from Mandi. It was blue, my favorite color! I unfortunately don't have a picture of it right now, but I will take one soon. In the big box was my gift from Parker. It was by far the best gift I think I have ever received. (Next to him ;) of course!) It was this beautiful hand made plate with his hand print on it....see



I think it might be the best personalized gift I have received. Well, not sure though, because I also adore my personalized necklace with PArker's name on it I got last year. Anyways. I love it. His hands are special to me - when he was in the NICU, I help his hands a LOT, when we would kangaroo he would always massage my chest with his hands, one time he laid on his hand it made a red imprint on my skin over my heart! Anytime I need a hug, he always reaches out to me with his hands. So for me to receive this gift with his hand print on it, well, it met the world to me. It's a very special gift and a huge surprise because I didn't see it coming. I cried a bit. But that's ok, because it met I was happy!

After opening the gifts Drew took a nap since he had been sick the past few days, Parker took a nap and Mandi and I well, we talked and watched Mythbusters. We spent the afternoon resting and relaxing and playing with Parker. At dinner time we headed to:


It was fun, though the waiting was kind of long (then again it was Mother's Day!) Oh and while we were waiting to be seated Parker had his first kiss. There was a little girl walking around with her mom - she was a beginner walker, because she had to hold both her mom's hands and she kinda tiptoed. Anyway, they came up near us and Parker was trying to talk to her. She walked right up to him and bam, laid one on him. Parker looked up at me and back at her and she did it again. Everyone around us did what anyone should do - a unison "Awwwww" and then the mom apologized. I told her it was totally fine, no big deal. I mean, it's not like she punched him or something...ya know? It was a little kid being a little kid. I had no issues. I was more concerned she had gotten some of Parker's snot on her since his nose was runny. It was super cute though. And made it an unforgettable day for sure.

The rest of the evening was spent editing wedding photos from the wedding Mandi and I shot. I will share a few tomorrow.

So to say yesterday was awesome - that would be an understatement. Parker, Drew and Mandi made it an incredibly special day for me. I have never felt more special then I did yesterday. It was definitely a mother's day I will never ever forget. Plus, now I have it all in writing...teehee.

I hope yours was a good one too!

A Parker Update

Well, I realized, I haven't really updated recently on Mr. Park man (p.s. yes I now call him Park...I wish I didn't because as he becomes older this could become a problem, but, at this point, it's cute.) Anyways, an update, right, I said I would give you an update...

He's doing great. 22.5 months old, 31 inches tall and FINALLY 20 lbs. again (I think he lost a bit a weight as he had his growth spurt recently. Believe me, he is far from malnourished!) He's quite the little man now - very much a toddler. Climbs on to everything, gets into everything, mouthy (kinda of), loud and stubborn.

He's been doing great with his therapies. He remains in speech - they want him using two word phrases more. Personally, I think he talks better other kids his age or older, but I also don't want him to regress. My current plan is to let him remain in therapy until he's 2 and depending on where he is and how our therapist acts, we may just not do it anymore. It's not really a requirement anyways, I wanted it initially because I didn't want him getting behind...now I feel he's pretty much caught up to other 22.5 month olds. So we will see. Other than that, that's really the only therapy he gets. We still see his Help Me Grow case worker (and will until he's 3 or 4) and we still see his early intervention teacher, but only every other month - thank God. He's almost done with all the visits and we are already (kinda) thinking about preschool - in that, we need to get the heck out of the Columbus school system and move into Hilliard Schools, which is where we want to be (and if we lived just a couple miles north of here we would!) I don't plan to put him in preschool until he is at least 2.5, but maybe older - we'll see. No rush...he's still a baby if you ask me, except that he screams, talks and runs...babies don't do that!

Anyway, back to language skills...Would you like to see what he can say (if I can remember). I actually have a paper my ST gave me to keep track, but I don't always get everything he says because the kid repeats everything and adds a new word daily if not more. Ok - words:

MaMa, Daddy, bye-bye, hi, night-night, allgone, all done, uhoh, no, yes (yah), go, up, down, more, baby, potty, car, Parker (parter), bear (every stuffed animal is a bear...), coat, pants, shirt (shir), ear, apple, ball, moo, cup, arf-arf, spoon, owie, bird, hat, balloon (loon), shoes, cheese (chee), block, cat, sock, hair, book, help (halp), bath, foot, cookie, dog (puppy), hot dog (hot gog), hot, cracker (cacker) duck, nose, milk, truck, pig, toe, play, eat, open, push, pull, ready (reedy), quack (cack), baa, toy, choo-choo, fish (ish), yum (num), boy, Nana, Papaw, Mandi (manny), please (he says peease and shacks his head yes), two, neigh, oink, cereal, bubble, oh wow, oh yah, oh boy, robot (bot), boo, Elmo, outside or inside (side), tractor, truck, plane, star, step (tep)

So yah, the kid can talk. I swear one day he said love you after I said it. And i think there are more, but again, I can't remember them all. So yah, too bad sometimes I still have no clue what he means or wants or needs!

Let see, what else??? Well, he had his first bloody nose yesterday (I am not mother of the year on this one!) We were at Polaris, a local mall, daddy had gone to sit down for a bit and rest due to a headache and so I took parker to the food court little type play area (its all moving toys that cost too much for him to ride.) I was letting him climb on them (and watching.) i got distracted by my phone bleeping at me and out of the corner of my eye I see him running and hear a scream. I went over and he had face planted into one of the toys. I grab him and head to drew who could hear him from where he was on the other side of the food court (my son's not a quiet cryer!). As we get closer I notice blood poor out of his poor nose. It stopped bleeding super quick and he was fine, but in that moment, I felt like a complete failure.

What else? Oh, I am going with my friend Summer to a Bible Study at her church for the next three weeks. Anyways, I have never put Parker in child care at any other church (except Drew's old one he grew up in) because I have just am like, freaked out, he's so tiny and they don't know his story and all of that. Well anyways, I took him with me and put him in there, expecting tears, because I always have tears from him at our church - nothing, he goes in and plays and completely ignores the fact I am leaving. I was so happy he did well yet so mad at myself for doubting he'd do well.

I can't believe my little man is going be two soon. Where has my 2lb miracle gone...?

The Baby # 2 Issue

I need prayer because I am just going batty right now. I am feeling this overwhelming pressure to have another child and I am going to tell you this - as much as I want one, the thought of being pregnant again makes when want to throw up and I start to kind of hyperventilate.

Can you blame me? Considering how my last pregnancy went?

No one is putting this pressure on me except for "myself." And even then, I am pretty sure it's satan's way of getting me where it hurts. I love my friends, all of them, and most have 2 or more kids (or are on their way to that, or have just had a brand new one) and so I supposed you could say society is also putting this pressure on me. None of my friends do it, they know better and they know that it's a touchy subject. I adore them and one of my closest friends even knows the name I would want if I had another one...but I just don't know.

If I could go into a pregnancy knowing 100% that everything would be A-ok and I'd have a "normal" one, I'd jump on that bandwagon, but the truth is, I haven't a CLUE what to expect. I could have a perfect pregnancy or I could have one like Parker's - I just don't know right now. I talked to my OB/GYN when I was there in Jan. and she and I both agreed that I would need to see a high risk doctor first and go from there. Ideally, we'd MAYBE start trying again later this year. However, there are so many things holding me back.

Even now as I type this I am crying...because the overwhelming reality of what I have been through is hitting me, yet again. I can say that God has changed me through all of this, but it doesn't mean I am not scare, worried, terrified, "damaged" by it all. I don't know if other people in my situation ever feel this way - I would assume so. I just still have a lot more healing emotionally to do from his birth.

Not to mention, I'd really like to lose more weight and get healthier before I go getting pregnant again. It would lower my risks of some of the issues I did have - and I am trying to do that. Believe me I am.

Then there's Parker - I want to focus on him and his development. I can't imagine having another preemie, Parker still needing therapy and having to balance all of that.

Besides, right now, I am enjoying being a mom to 1. He's so worth it and I love spending our one on one time...I am not sure I would want that to just go away.

Don't get me wrong, I do want another child. I have always wanted two - a boy and a girl. And to be honest I never wanted them close together anyway. I am the oldest in my family, my brother Phil (next oldest) and I are 3 yrs apart and he and Steph are 4 years apart and she and Brandon are 3 years apart and I like that. I think that's what I want with my kids. I am just in no rush. I also want to adopt, maybe Drew and I will end up pursuing that rather than having one of our own - I don't know.

All I know is that when I feel like I do right now, I turn to blogging and getting it out and more than that - I turn to God, I pray that He give me a peace and just let his will be done. I don't know what his plans are and I know that at anytime he could strike my uterus and boom - baby 2 could be concieved...but that's his decision. He knows what my life looks like, I don't. But I trust him.

And for now, I think I will just enjoy this adorable little 22 month old:



And really, how could I not?

The Rewards of Parenting

So I am currently addicted to this new show, Parenthood, on NBC. It follows the Braverman family As they each deal with different aspects of parenthood: The Mom and Dad - dealing with their kids/grandkids, Adam and his wife Kristina who's son was just diagnosed with Asperger's and a daughter who's going through the teen angst, rebellion stage; Sarah who just moved back to the area with her two teen children, living with her parents, trying to start over; Julia and her husband Joel - he's a stay at home dad, she's a lawyer and her daughter and her don't really connect well and Crosby, who just found out he has a 5 yr. old boy.

This last episode, Crosby and Adam have a heart to heart about why parenting is rewarding and what if you don't feel something for your child. I loved it and it made me think about what feels rewarding to me. But first, here's the scene - WARNING - there is one cuss word used.



What makes parenting rewarding to you? To me even?

I came up with just a brief list of what's been rewarding for me...in the past almost 2 years.

- He knows I am his mama! Seems simple, but sometimes I don't allow myself to feel that. I can remember very distinctly one day when I went into the NICU and Parker had had a bad morning - within minutes of me being there and having my hand on his back (even at that tiny 2 lbs stage and just newly born) his numbers improved and his breathing got better. That was one rewarding moment. For all the stress of the couple weeks he was in there at that point, that moment, knowing that MY SON knew me and calmed down - that was rewarding.

- Each new milestone! I think most parents would think this is a rewarding part of being a parent, seeing your child(ren) hit a new milestone. For me, I think it goes deeper. I was so concerned for most of the past two years that Parker would never catch up and be "normal", but man each time he hit a milestone - whether it was walking, talking, eating, ect - the rewarding feeling I felt was unmatchable. Even today, as he sat with his speech therapist and she said he had at least 2 months left, I felt rewarded knowing that though he is "behind" on his speech, he is meeting his goals they set.

- Watching them accomplish something! As a parent, we teach our children how to be good people, do everyday tasks and for me, it's rewarding to see when Parker gets it. Today, he put on his own pair of pants, granted, he had trouble pulling them up and he had put both legs down the same pant leg, but still. I left the room to grab some lotion and came back to find him mostly dressed in his pants. Something that I feel like I have talked to him and shown him at nauseum he is know wanting to do and doing on his own.

I love being a parent, and while there are times it's hard (recently - it has been) the good far outweighs the bad. Sure, Parker has his days of anger and tantrums, and his nights filled with night terrors and little sleep and his disobeys and pushes my buttons, but when it comes right down to it - I AM SO GLAD I AM HIS MOMMY! It's so rewarding, even in the hard times and for that, I am so grateful.

I am blessed! So blessed!

The Funny Farm

"They're coming to take me away hehe, they're coming to take me away hoho...."

Seriously, I feel like someone should just come, put me in a straight jackets and throw me in a padded room because I don't see myself getting out of this stage sane.

Friends, it's started. Seriously...the tantrum throwing, no listening, mom-defying, stage has started and I am going to go CRAZY.


I knew it was coming - I knew my perfect little angel would soon become this testy, fussy, pushing-moms-buttons little boy, but not yet. But sadly there is no turning back. I guess I have to go forward to work through yet another challenge with my Park-Man. Oh and I am so not looking forward to it.

Gone are the days of cuddles and snuggles and sitting on the floor staying in one spot. Nope now it's all, throwing and hitting when not getting his way. The silliest fake tantrums I have ever ever seen. Time outs (though at this point these are few and far between!)

So what do I do, how do I love him with patience and understanding and not let him turn into a total brat? I don't have the slightest clue how to do this, he's my first kid, and while I had younger siblings, it's not like I got to discipline them. I ran and hid and I think that's generally frowned upon with your own child, right?

I need tips here people. Has anyone read The Happiest Toddler on the Block? Would you recommend it? Any other books or suggestions or rules or anything you would recommend. And how do I know if I should just let him have his fake tantrum or if I should discipline.

Sadly, once again, I am stuck with no Parker owner's manual. (All I am saying is God and I need to have a discussion about this!) So I am coming to you, you who have had toddlers or know someone who has. Because well, if we aren't careful, mommy might end up in the Funny Farm!

So I scream it from the mountain tops (or in central ohio - the corn fields!)



Please help me before I sink in this quick sand of toddler-ness!

Deni's Buffet 'O Thoughts

Hello Peoples!

So so sorry I haven't updated in a few days. Our laptop has enter through the gates of glory into laptop heaven and while yes, we have a desk top, I've been BUSY and can't really use it when Parker's up because it's in our bedroom and he liked to pull out my undies! (Just sayin!) So hence, no updates to el blog for a while...

But if you like buffets and all it has to offer than you will LOVE this blog today. It's about as random as random gets...actually maybe not. But it offers a little bit of everything, happy news, sad news, a recipe, Parker news, prayer requests, me being all mature and stuff. So sit back, relax and take a load off while we dive in.

1) Parker News

I think we will start off with this, after all, he's the whole reason you come to this thing isn't he? (I don't blame you!) He's doing Ah-maz-ing. Seriously, except for the whole whiney toddler thing this boy is just getting so stinking big! See, here's a couple pictures as proof...





sorry about the quality, our digital is MIA and so I've been using my iphone! P.S. in the bottom one he found an m&m. Anyways, like I said, he's doing great. He got a second hair cut this week, horribly unemotional compared to his first, but boy was it fun. He sat in the chair like a big boy, flirted and did great! He looks so good now and no more rat tail. He also got kicked out of PT this week. Actually they dismissed him, he's just dandy in the physical department. Right on track. Still has 2 months of ST, but we know he could use a little more time there. He's pushing my buttons EVERY chance he gets and I am working on making days more structured. I am terrible at that! He had his first cold since going on his flovent a month ago and never had any breathing issues. I am so excited that I finally understand his asthma enough now! Praise Jesus!

2) Me Stuff

And now on to the boring things...me. Let's see, I am kinda on a diet, I was gun hoe (is that how you say it?) about it and am struggling. I have successfully switched to diet soda and have limited my intake, so that's good. I am trying to eat smaller portions and healthy, but that can be a challenge. Especially right now (mmmmmm girl scout cookies!) Let's see, Oh I went to a seminar yesterday called Joni & Friends - Raise the Roof. If you don't know the story of Joni Ereckson Tata, at the age of 16 she went swimming, dived intp shallow water and broke her neck. She is quadriplegic. She has her organization that works with disabled children in churches as well as the churches so that they can have disability ministry. Our church is growing and we realize that we need to start looking ahead and getting knowledge on disability ministry so that we can help future visitors feel completely comfortable at our church. And so I was asked to go and I gained some AMAZING knowledge on it. I look forward to helping our church grow.

3) Other Stuff

Faith, the little girl I told you about who was just diagnosed with a brain tumor is holding steady. She and her family certainly need prayers as it's super hard to watch your child suffer, but they are doing their best to enjoy her. She now not only has her caring bridge site, but also her own site here: Help Faith. It's still brand new so there isn't much to it yet, but it's a way to stay connected and donate. PLEASE PRAY FOR THEM!

I came across another family a while ago whose 2 year old is suffering from neuroblastoma and really could meet her father in heaven very soon! My heart breaks for this family, but as I read their updates on both their blog and twitter I am amazed at the faith they have and the strength this little 2 year old is showing. PLEASE PRAY FOR THEM!

One more person I'd like to share with you is Dave Plaster. He is a minister here in Columbus at a local church. He just recently fell very ill and has not been able to be diagnosed. He's currently up at a hospital here in Cleveland, but his prognosis looks very grim. Please pray for him and his family. He's quite a loved pastor, though I don't know him, I've heard great things. You can check updates on here at his site here. PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM.

My goal is to share prayer requests outside of my family as much as possible now. While I certainly love that you pray for us and I am sure you will, there are just so many heart wrenching stories out there and if I can shine a light on a few here or there. I want to. I want this blog to not only be about me, but to share my faith and to show you other's you can be loving towards.

4) Num, Num, Num - A Recipe

Finally for you today I have a recipe of something I made this week that's simple and healthy and will yummy.

Penne with Asparagus & Parmesan

1/2 pound penne
1 tbsp Olive Oil
1 garlic clove - thinly sliced
1 (14.5oz) can of diced tomatoes, with their juice
1/2 cup reduced fat chicken broth
1 lb. asparagus, cut on the diagonal in 1 in. peices
1/2 cup coarsely chopped fresh basil
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

1) Bring a large pot of water to boil. Cook the penne according to package directions, drain and keep warm in pot.
2) Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-low heat. Add the garlic, cook just until it begins to turn golden. Add the tomatoes and broth and bring to boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, uncovered, 5 minutes. Add the asparagus, cover and simmer until tender about 5 minutes longer; pour over the penne. Add the basil and Parmesan cheese, to to coat.

Super simple and if you are on weight watchers it's from one of their books and is 6 points. This make 4 servings btw!

I'm done with my buffet, have a great day!

Lord Help Me - I have a terrible pre-2

Please someone tell me that my precious little preemie boy with the cutest face, beautiful blue eyes, and a head of blonde hair is not a toddler, isn't becoming a terrible pre-two and won't become a delinquent down the road. Ok, so I know he won't become a delinquent, but I tell you what, his attitude recently has been REALLY bad recently. He's at this point where if he doesn't get his way - he whines, if mommy doesn't feed him fast - he whines, if mommy doesn't get him out of bed when he's done sleeping fast enough - he whines, if mommy says "Stop, no, please don't..." he whines! I mean the whining is incredible recently.

Oh and the tantrums. I mean REALLY? You've got to be kidding me. Today for example I was pulling his lunch together (a lunchable - takes like 30 secs at most to do). I close the gate to the kitchen and sat there on the floor and cried the most FAKE cry I have ever heard. And he did it up until I opened the gate...and boom, he's happy. I know the difference between a normal cry and the "I hate the world" cry.

I am so over this already and he isn't even TWO. I mean it's crazy. It makes me REALLY want my little baby back. I really miss having a little baby in the house...it almost makes me ready for another one...

So if you could pray for me and this stage of life, I'd greatly appreciate that.

Asthma and Sitters

Dear Asthma - YOU VACUUM (get it vacuum's suck?) and I STRONGLY DISLIKE YOU! YOU MAKE MY LIFE DIFFICULT and STRESS ME OUT. And I don't even have you!

Since Parker's ER visit on Dec. 21st I am finally starting to see his triggers, namely, this cold weather. He'd been fine, hadn't need any treatments and had been breathing fine since we saw his doctor on Christmas Eve. Then Sunday, boom, it hit. Don't think I didn't try to stop it...I mean, I bundled him up a lot: huge puffy coat (that might weigh more than him), gloves, hat, layers...but no, by the time he woke up from his nap at 4 that afternoon...he needed a treatment. Then he needed another before bed. And I went to bed super frustrated and bitter about the whole thing.

I am trying to learn Park's triggers...and it seems that the cold air outside is one. Which makes sense if you consider he started out with lung issues and the cold air can cause his lungs to be agitated and tighten. So thanks to this realization, I probably won't take him out much at all. At least not until the weather is warmer. He's always been fine when it's in the high 30's and higher, so until we see those days with little wind, we will stay in as much as possible. Don't get me wrong, obviously I will have to take him out at least on Sunday, but I am going to try to do my best to keep the cold air away from him...blanket anyone?

Which leads me to my next predicament. A sitter. I am not going to trust just anyone with my Park, sorry, I can't afford too. Which is making finding a sitter hard. I have plenty of friends who could watch him every now and then, but I would have to take him to them and I'd like to avoid that. I really would need someone that I could call up on a moments notice and be like, "Hey, need to do some grocery shopping, can you come play with Parker?" i don't know whether it would be good to post a craigslist ad for one or not. I feel like an employer, I want references and I want them to be CPR and First Aid certified. I want them to have experience and feel comfortable with a child who likely has asthma and who is my everything. Is this too much to ask? I don't want to sound harsh though... or no one will be interested. So what do you think, should I put up an ad and make sure that those interested know that I am going to be a bit picky in whom I choose.

Also, what's a good rate for a sitter? I haven't a clue on how much I should pay them. It's only going to be a few days a month and 2-3 hours those days. I hate this. I wish it were easier.

Advice would be appreciated on this...I have no clue how to handle finding a sitter and figuring pay and knowing what to ask those who are interested....

Out with the Old, In with the New

First of all, HAPPY 2010* everyone. I hope that your Christmas and New Years were good ones. Ours was fantastic! Lots of family, fun, food and rest.

*(That's twenty ten, none of this two thousand ten junk!)

2009 wasn't a half bad year for us. Sure we had our share of ups and downs, but considering we started the new year with a tiny little man and now we have a precious little toddler and we are happy, that's all that matters. I saw my son turn 1, have two seperate ER visits, be (mostly) diagnosed with asthma, be diagnosed with allergies, start walking, and now he's a jabbering fool who can actually use a fork and likes to throw his plate on the floor. Not too shabby. Parker's a true toddler now and growing physically and mentally each day. Our saw my marriage have a bit of a bump, but now it's stronger than ever. I saw my husband get another raise and watched him grow. And I saw myself grow tremendously, get a job I adore, a car I love and new friends to last a lifetime. All in all, 2009 wasn't too bad.

BUT OUT WITH THE OLD....

AND IN WITH THE NEW....

2010....day 2 of this year and already it's been pretty darn good. My step - sister had my nephew Dalton yesterday (1-1-10) at 9:13 am (he was the first baby born in that hospital in the new year. He's currently in the NICU for some lung issues, but is doing well. He was 7lbs, 6ozs and 19 inches long. He's a cute little man! I got to see many of my friends happy when the Bucks made dinner out of the Ducks in the Rose Bowl! And today, I got to enjoy a quiet afternoon with my two men and I get to go on a date tonight to see Avatar in 3D - so that should be fun. Oh and I get Chipotle for dinner. Some of you may not be thrilled, but I am!

I am looking forward to 20-10. I am not sure what all is in store and I am sure God has some plans that I may not enjoy, but nevertheless, I am excited. My baby boy, born at only 29 weeks, will turn two in May. He's car seat will FINALLY be flipped probably in the next few days. I will celebrate my 5 year wedding anniversary on Aug. 6 with a trip to either Chi-town or NYC. I will get to see my youngest brother, Brandon graduate from high school in June. And who knows what else really. I do look forward to it.

Oh did I also mention that the first meal I made in 20-10 was a delicious slow cooker full of ham and bean soup? Without a recipe? Yah, I am that good! We had a ton of left over ham from Christmas and I wanted to use it up and do something different. I happened to have some dry navy beans so I thought...hmmmm....let's try. It was easy peasy lemon squeezy! Want me to share what I did? Well fine, you twisted my arm...yeesh.

Ham N Bean Soup A'la Deni:

1.5 cups dry Navy Beans
Ham (I would say I had probably about 1.5 - 2 cups once I chopped it up)
1/2 an onion, sliced,
1 piece of celery chopped
6 cups of water
1.5 bullion cube (beef)

****The Dry beans need prepped first. I just did mine by soaking over night in a big bowl with 5 cups of water. I leave it on the counter and vent the lid a bit.****

I mixed all the ingredients in the slow cooker, added some spices, rosemary and thyme and pepper and cooked on low for 6 hours.

That's it folks. I mean, obviously their is the prep and all, but that's it. The beans cook great in the sc** and it ends up being yummy. I started out with 4 cups of water, but once the beans expanded I added two more. It made the soup not to thin and not too thick.

**slow cooker

Well that's my first recipe of 20-10. Let's write that one down in the record books! :)

I'll update again soon!

Hello Strangers...

Well, I have totally stunk at updating this thing recently and I greatly apologize. I can honestly say things have been super busy and this took a back seat for a while. However, I need this blog and I am planning to REALLY try to update it better. How many times recently have I said that? I am serious though. I also know that some of you may be reading this because my wonderful in-laws added in our blog address for Parker updates. And I would hate for you to not get any!

Speaking of which - Parker is doing wonderful. His vocabulary has grown a lot recently. We are currently seeing him use these words frequently:
- Mama (or meme)
- Dada
- Uh-oh (comes out more like ohhhhh)
- Yah
- Oh yah
- No (thankfully, he doesn't say this often, he does nod his head)
- Cookie (more like ook) (like hook without the h)
- Hot Dog (haha, this is his newest - gog - like dog with a g)
- Elmo (ok so this one is more like ehmo)
- Hoo, Hoo

Not to shabby! I am sure this ST* will be impressed considering last time she was here we didn't even get half of that! He walks and climbs on everything. He's hysterical really...and a pain at times. He's been in this mood of testing recently. Like for example, let's see what mommy does when I try to eat my night light. (Not the best night and no worries he didn't hurt himself and it's now where he cant reach it). Parker can successfully go up and down stairs, though we keep the stairway closed off to him unless we are actually going down them to get out of our apartment. He is quite the eater and we are working on using sippys. He uses the kind with straws, but the therapist would prefer we use the other kind.

In general, we are all ok. Very very busy this month (hence the lack of updates). The first week of dec. was crazy, we had something going on every day. Last week, not too bad, this week - two christmas parties, and then our Christmas church concert Fri - Sun. And we have guests Friday, Sat. and sunday! Oh yah, fun times! And then next week the in-laws get here for Christmas. I am so excited. I love spending time with them.

I may not update the rest of the week, hopefully you can understand that it's just that time of year. Please be praying for me, I am so burnt out. I am drained emotionally, physically, spiritually and really need next week. Pray for Hope:The Invitation my church christmas program! I can't wait and I want it to touch people! Pray for safe travels for my dad and stepmom (they are coming sat), for our friend Dave (coming Friday) and for Brandee and Rick (coming sat) and for safe travels for my in-laws.

I hope you all enjoy your Christmas! Sorry I won't be around much! I will try maybe one more update between now and next wed.

Hugs

Journal Journey Wednesday (pt.2 & 3)

***Just so everyone knows, this one will be a bit longer since last week I totally had a brain fart and didn't post! Enjoy - though if you don't read it all - I understand!***

June 14, 2008

"There are days I miss being pregnant. It kind of hurts to know that I'll never have that big belly, the inside out belly button, labor pains, or a vaginal birth experience. I think I really need to mourn this reality - so I can move on and focus primarily on Parker. I need to go home and pack up my maternity clothes - it's hard to walk in my closet and see them hanging there. I also am gonna get rid of my pregnancy books, just seeing them makes me sad."

June 15, 2008

"Happy Daddy's Day!!! Great news, Parker is off CPAP! His numbers are staying up great right now. He has had a couple of brady's but bounces back quickly"

June 16, 2008

"Went to church last night and boy am I glad! I really needed it. I didn't feel bombarded with people or questions, though I talked to so many! I enjoyed the message too! It was about outreach, which is weighing on my heart. Being here in the NICU I feel that I have a lot of opportunity to reach out to others, but I just don't know how to approach them."

June 17, 2008

"Today has been an incredibly hard day...I am so ticked right now - I am pretty sure that I have the worlds worst nurse. She is very unpersonable and has been short with us all morning. It doesn't help because today has started out totally cruddy. I got a call from Dr. W. at 7:30 this morning. Parker had had a rough night. They put him on oxygen and took an xray of his chest and belly. This showed something in his bowel, which could be a possible infection. They have suspended his feeds until they find out what's going on. They even drew blood and put him back on an IV...

(Later that day)
"At this point they don't think it's an infection, but they are waiting on cultures, which will take a couple of days. He will be staying on his nasal cannula. I was reading Marla's book just now and came across this quote:'Our little ones are resilient and forgiving. Our God is a God of grace. These experiences keep us humble and remind us of our need for a Savior. And those angels are always on duty.' Oh how I needed that today."

(Even later that day...)
"This whole thing is frustrating me. I mean besides my growing PPD; I am watching my child struggle. It feels like he takes 4 steps forward and 15 steps back. i feel like we are gonna be in this NICU FOREVER. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel my hope just slowly fading away. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I am doing my best to fully rely on God and trust that He is handling this situation. I really just want to scream out to God. Or maybe even scream at Him. Is it even ok that I am angry? Because I am so angry. I truly do not understand why I am finding myself in this situation. I feel like I am being punished or something. But, yet, I know deep down I am not. The hardest thing is to meet other children and see them thriving when Parker is having all these issues. I keep playing the comparison game. I look over at L and think 'well he's been off Cpap for a couple weeks and is doing well. Parker not so much.' But Parker is not L, nor is he B or anyone else, he's Parker. This is how Parker is, this is his life and his set of challenges - this is what will make him stronger and make him who he is as Parker. It doesn't make it any easier to watch him struggle though..."



It kind almost cracks me up to read these now. Mostly because of my horrible grammar and punctuation. I can look back now at this set of entries and clearly see what God was doing. He grew my so much during that time. I have since learned to lean on Him and trust Him and His will. That hard day I was having on June 17th just shows this to me. At the time, I didn't think I could make it through. I was angry with the rude nurse, scared for Parker, depressed, angry with God, wanting to scream....and now I look at it and clearly see God's leading and His lessons. I won't lie, there are a lot of times now that I struggle to trust, but I have grown to know that that's all I can do at times. And I see what this trusting can do. I trusted God with Parker's allergy tests and they came back mostly great!

God is good and he has a plan for Parker...who knew? - Oh He did!

In which a title doesn't explain it...

God is really working in my life right now and while it took me FOREVER to see it, I am so glad I finally open up my eyes to all the good things he is doing. A couple weeks ago I wrote about issues I was going through and made you all sit here and wonder, what the HECK is up with her, and if you didn't...oh well! Well, little did I know God was doing something - he's always doing something - and I tend to be completely blind at first. Who isn't?

First of all, lets say those issues - GONE! Even better than that - it was all in my head! YES! I knew I was going crazy! :) It's so funny to me now, looking back, a lot of the issues with the issues were created by me - not stepping up and listening when I should have been. Yah, I like to think I am in charge - but God has other plans.

I have realized a lot over the past 2 days that God has really blessed me! I mean I knew it but now, now I KNOW it...and all it took was a sermon, 2 bonfires and an email! :) (and a partridge in a pear tree).

Pastor Mike's sermon this sunday was about God rocking our world. He discussed Act 16 - in which Paul and Silas were in jail. It really hit me as Pastor Mike talked about how they waited. Waiting for me - well lets say I am not a waiter...I am impatient...yet here this innocent men are, in jail, and rather than giving in and giving up and walking away, they waited. I mean...they could have just been like, "ok God, seriously, we are SO over this.." but they didn't. They waited until God has accomplished what he wanted and then they left. Pastor Mike brought up the thought, ya know, after the earthquake the doors were open....P and S could have just left while the guard slept - but nooooo, they stayed, they waited. WHAT? I mean, awesome. I have to admit, God has really rocked my world in my life...and I will also admit that there have been some incidents in which I did not wait...and I regret that. But the times I stayed and waited and saw what God had in store - man, they did rock my world. This sermon seriously just hit me...in a good way.

Sunday evening was the Vista staff bonfire at our friend's the Webbs. God opened up my eyes during the bonfire. See, these are people that most of the time I only spend time with at church or church functions. For example Pastor Mike's awesome wife - see I have only ever seen her at something church related - rather a actual sunday service, choir practice or program. It was cool for me to see her in a new way - like any other women...I am so used to her being the illusive Tammy Smith, wife of the pastor...but I tend to forget she's just like me. It was good for me to see her and others in the relaxed environment. As I sat with these amazing people...it hit me, God has placed some amazing people in my life...I am VERY fortunate. I left that evening very content and thrilled to call these people my friends.

Then last night...bonfire #2. This was with my old life group. And once again I realized - I have been blessed with amazing friends. It was great to see Parker playing with the other kids and friends. My son has some very special friends in that group. I am so glad he is going to grow up knowing them. The bonfire last night made me miss that life group...i mean, it seems like this group has been through a lot together and these are friends that I will have for a long time. We have invested in each other a lot and it's good to know that we all connect well. Once again - God showed me what I hadn't been seeing.

Then this morning - I received an email. I am not sure if I have posted it on here, but I have been praying for a while to make friends in my apartment complex. See, this complex is full of young families and we have lived here a year now and I knew no one really. I got to know the couple below us a bit, but they moved out in June and I ended up feeling very lonely. I didn't know anyone, I was too shy to put myself out there, even though it wouldn't have been that hard. Well about a month ago, maybe a little longer a new couple moved in below us. They have a little boy and I decided to take them some cookies when they were moving in. We talked a bit and introduced ourselves to each other. Then nothing - we didn't really see each other much and when we did, it was more of a hi - bye deal. After we got back from vacation in Sept. they brought us some cookies and thanked us for welcoming them. Then again - nothing...hi-byes. Until last week. I was sitting here watching some Tv and Parker was napping - there was a knock on my door. It was S, the mom, asking me if I would like to go on a walk with her and her son. Parker was napping, but I told her that once he woke up, we'd join her. We went on a walk around the complex and got to know each other. We discussed maybe hosting play groups with some others in complex and evening getting together to have dinner. I emailed her to thank her for the walk and invite her to my Mommies and Munchkins group and didn't hear back from her. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did and I felt like maybe I had made a bad impression or something. Well this morning I got an email from her. She was genuinely happy to meet me and wanted to try to get together weekly to talk and what not.

I don't know why I sit here blind to God's provisions and blessings and direction, but I am going to start watching and looking for those opportunities more.

God is like cool and stuff!

When Life Hands You Lemons...

...make lemonade.

Easier said then done if you ask me!

I have been thinking a lot recently. Thinking be a good thing for me or a bad thing. But recently, it's been a good thing - or at least I would like to believe it has been. I have been thinking a lot about things in my life that have shaped me into who I am today. My life has been far from easy and while I don't remember much from when I was young, I can remember the first moment I realized life is so not fair all the time.

Easter 1998 -
Oh man, I remember this like it was yesterday. i walked into to church that morning to a very somber and sad mood. I was met at the door by one of our elders, who went on to tell me that Pastor Danny has passed away suddenly that morning while preparing to get into costume for our sunrise service. I remember my heart sinking into my chest - Pastor Danny and his wife Marilyn were like another set of parents to me. I had promised Pastor Danny that I would be going to church camp that summer with him and others from church as a jr. counselor. I couldn't understand why this had happened - as far as I knew, he was perfectly healthy and was rather young - but God needed him. I can remember feeling so cheated when he passed away. But looking back I have learned a lot from that experience - I never once took another person for granted. I attempt to live my life to make Danny proud - I want him to be looking down on me saying, "Denise, I am so proud of you!" Of course I want to make family and friends proud too, but for some reason, his approval is so important to me. Also, I got a lot closer to Marilyn after his death. Because I really struggled with it and turned to her a lot to just talk...that closeness would be the reason why I got through so many other hard things in my life.

2000 -
My parents divorced in 2000. I won't go into all the messy details, but lets just say it was an incredibly hard time for my family. My mom made some lousy decisions - which lead to the separation - which lead to my dad becoming very depressed and making the decision to try suicide. When that happened - I went and stayed with Marilyn for a while. I was angry at my mom, scared for my dad and did not want to be at home at all. Marilyn really helped me through that time - she became like a mom to me. I felt like I could only talk to her - my anger towards my mom and the hurt over my dad just was too much to talk to them. Both my parents are remarried now and happy - and I have rebuilt my relationship with my mom - but I can definitely understand what I learned out of this - I will not get divorced. I will not repeat any poor decisions made by either of my parents, I will enjoy my marriage, be open, honest and communicate. I feel like my marriage is as strong as it is because of what I learned from my parents divorce. I also believe it is strong because God is the center of our marriage and church and following Him is a top priority.

Oct. 6 2001 -
Where do I even begin with this one? Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and my heart just sank in my chest. This was the day that I lost my best friend and to this day, I still hurt about it. *Tay (name changed for certain reasons) did not have the easiest of lives. She moved to Warsaw to live with a family in my church - her foster parents. I don't remember us really hitting it off, though we may have, but I do remember that we did end up with an amazing friendship. This girl was seriously one of my best friends. I could tell her anything, we had so many inside jokes that even today I chuckle at times thinking about how she would respond. She really helped my though my parent's divorce too, she was there for me to talk to and enjoy time with. But then she started dating someone and I got mad, jealous and in my stupid high school mind decided it would be good to pick a fight - STUPID idea. We stopped talking, avoided each other - for well over 6 months. Some how - and I still don't remember how - we started talking again. The summer of 01 before I went to college, we served at church camp as counselors together for 4th grade week and we were mostly back to our old ways. We didn't talk much, college had me busy and her schedule at school was pretty busy as well. I went home on Oct. 5 for a quick overnight trip and has just gotten back to college when a call came from Marilyn (she worked at the college I attended) telling me to call her immediately. I called her and she came to my dorm and met me in the common room to give me the news. Tay had been in a car accident - and had went to be with our Lord. To say I was devastated would be a complete understatement. She was only 17, just started her senior year - it was SO UNFAIR. We had finally gotten our friendship back and she was gone. I miss her, so much, she'd love Parker. Through all of that though, I learned to enjoy my friendships even more. I have never picked a fight again - I'd like to think of Tay as a guardian angel. She is one of two pictures I have on my visor in my car - the other - my miracle boy.

May 29, 2008 -
Well, we all know what happened here.

I guess I share this with you to tell you that I have learned a lot. My faith in God has grown in the past 11 years - and while there are many things I have left out, I can honestly say that I have learned so much and I do my best to live life to the fullest and fully rely on God. Lessons I have learned through just these 4 incidents I shared and many more I haven't, I have done my best to grow out of them.

I feel strong and loved and like I have so much to offer.

So, when life hands you lemons (whatever they are) do your best to grow out of those lemons. Make lemonade - or lemon shake ups. God knows what he's doing, even if we don't get it. It's not really our place to get it, God asks us to trust and have faith and we should do that.

God's good, even in all the hard stuff.

One Year Ago...

My heart is happy today! It's been one year since Parker came home from the hospital and to be quite honest - it seems like it went too fast. I can't truly explain the feelings I get thinking about it. I certainly would never wish what we went through on anyone, but if you've been through it - leaving your child at the hospital for more than the normal amount of time - watching him struggle to grow, wondering if you would ever get to bring him home - you can't imagine the emotions. It's hard and when that day comes to finally bring them home - its awesome...it's a milestone! It's scary though, too, because you get so used to machines alerting you if something isn't right, you have doctors and nurses around to help you and you get sleep at night.

After 69 days in the hospital, I got to bring my tiny turtle, my little man, P-town home. It was scary, but so exciting. The car ride home was funny and scary - we drove really slow...probably should have had our flashers on :) But it was great to have him home, no wires, no beeping monitors, ect.

It's been a difficult 14 months, the things we have been through have not been easy, but I feel strong and like I am a good mom. God has really watched over us and Parker is thriving and that is what's most important.

Happy 1 Year Anniversary of being home sweet boy!

**I want to take a moment to let you all know that I am now the Kids Community Administrative Assistant at Vista! - So Excited!**

Enjoy some picture from last year below:

Milestones and Heart Attacks!

Well, it's been an interesting week thus far and it's what, only Wed? Wed morning none the less!

Parker has hit a milestone of sorts - he now claps his hands! (Finally!) It's really cute and doesn't produce a lot of sound, but he does it...and if I say "Yay Parker" he will clap. He also now has 7 teeth. 4 on top and 3 on bottom. He's also gotten more daring as far as climbing and standing on his own. He will let go of whatever he's holding on to and stand for, oh, 10-15 seconds. Parker had a first yesterday - his first fall causing owies.

Which leads me to the heart attack part of this post.

Yesterday I was just getting done at Mommies and Munchkins and we were heading to the car. Parker was in his stroller and I was trying to get my keys and all of sudden I hear him crying - I look and he had slid between the seat and the tray was laying underneath the stroller. I freaked - I grabbed him and sat in the grass and examined him. All I found, thankfully, was that he had scratched his arms up pretty good and had a little scratch on the back of his head. But I examined his entire body, made sure nothing was broken or anything. He was screaming, but I think it's because he was scared. I got him settled and ran one errand then headed home.

I did what I felt was right, I monitored him throughout the day, looked for signs of head issues, ect. He was pretty normal, a bit clingy, but didn't act really strange. At least until bedtime, when he started losing it. He was crying and screaming, wouldn't go down - nothing. We tried bathing him, feeding him, taking him outside. Finally, because I was worried maybe there was head trauma I didn't notice - I called the Dr. He basically said give him tylenol and that I am doing everything right and he should be ok.

But it still sucked, and I felt so bad. Once Parker finally did go down, I was talking to Drew and I just felt so guilty. I should have buckled him in, I should have been watching better. I am not a bad mom (though I felt like it). Man it was hard.

But I am over it now. I realize i am a good mom and kids get hurt. They are resilient and bounce back pretty quick!

Today, Parker is fine. He's down for a nap right now and later we are heading over to a friends to hang out, so it should be a good day!

Tidbits: Hopes and Dreams, Revisiting Kids Bop, This week

Another Tidbit Post:

1) Hopes and Dreams

"You can say I'm a dreamer, but I am not the only one..." I have a lot on my heart recently, Good stuff, but a lot. My hopes and dreams grow daily. And one hope and dream and I am praying about working out is going to Cambodia next year to visit the orphanage that Vista sponsors. Our church is very connected to Asia's Hope, a wonderful ministry that offers hope to orphans! Our church has helped to build an orphanage home in Cambodia. We have a missionary over there currently, a lovely lady from our church that has been there for 10+ months and who will be home for a little bit at the end of this week and then returning back! We have sent many over to visit the orphanage and our children. Jen updates about them here: Asian Vista. Last Christmas, I completely fell in love with the kids when during our Christmas program we were able to do online talk through Skype during the program. Those kids are lovely and precious and I so want to go hug each one. Recently, my heart is being tugged on and I am praying about going on a trip to Cambodia the next time we as a church send some another Vista group. To be honest, this SCARES ME TO DEATH! 1) I mean, it's Cambodia - a completely different world than here. 2) Loooong flight, the furthest I've flown was to Cancun (and I cried a lot because I hate planes!) 3) I am worried about pretty much everything - health, food, will I do ok, blah blah blah. 4) I don't have a passport! I am sure if it is meant to be it will all come together, but to be honest. it all just makes me nervous.

2) Revisiting Kidz Bop

Once again, I have a bone to pick with whoever created this silly CD. Do you really think putting today's pop/rock hits to kids music makes it all better? I mean, have you HEARD the songs in real life? Just because you put them to some cotton candy music and maybe change one or two words, doesn't make it any more appropriate! I can tell you right now, Parker will never own one of those CD's, or Heely's for that matter, but that's a whole other post!

3) This Week

So this week is looking like a fun week. I think later after Parker is awake, he and I are going to meet Tabatha and Logan at the park and hang out for the afternoon! I am so excited! I need to get out of this house. Tomorrow, I have Mommies and Munchkins and thankfully it won't be as hot as the other day when I almost passed out. I am looking forward to it. Wed, we have to run up to the Vista office so that I can make copies. As well as we are going to go over to Crissy's so mommy gets some girl time and I am going to bring Parker's little pool and I'm gonna let him "swim." Thursday is going to be nuts, mommies and munchkins in the morning, then Drew and I are going to go to Easton to do some thinking through stuff. That evening my in laws will be here. Friday, is my mom in law's birthday, we are going to go to the zoo, hang out, play games and then take her to dinner and then Saturday is the 4th - we are going to a parade, and the fireworks later in the day. Sunday, church!

Oh yah, busy busy, so please understand if my posts aren't that thrilling this week!

Oh can you say a prayer for me, I am going to be calling my Dr. today about my anti-depressant and also, calling for a counselor. I'm a little nervous about that!

Thank You!

God is so good!

First of all, to anyone who read this and prayed (you know who you are) - THANK YOU!

I know it seems silly, but sometimes I simply need the reminder that I am Parker's mommy for a reason!

God has worked out some of the knots in my soul that were there last night, granted - I still feel pretty lousy, but I know I am not alone, I know I am a good mom (even if Parker just totally cut his arm on the side of our bookcase - builds character right?) I can't protect him 100% of the time. I know that. I also know that I do what he needs me too - even if I doubt myself. It's lies! Satan knows how to get in and just spread icky seeds everywhere.

I realized something today. I have family here in Columbus (and spread out everywhere). No, we aren't blood related, but I do have family here. i love them all! Each one brings something extra to the table and each one holds a special place in my heart. I am so fortunate to have a HUGE extended Christian family. They are amazing, gifted and totally awesome! One of my family members - Crissy, she's like the big sister who's older and wiser than I, she was awesome today. Parker had a meltdown today, very unusual for him, and ended up being in the service with me. I sat with Crissy and her family and when he started acting up, she let me stay in service while she took him in the hallway! it was great to not have to do it myself and get a break for once. Another friend Marla, wrote me the sweetest note, I read it when I got home, tears streaming down my face (even if it was few words!) I just REALLY needed it.

I have to admit, I am very much a word of affirmation person. I don't know if I didn't get enough support and praise growing up, but something that REALLY feeds my soul is getting those words of affirmation/encouragement. Sometimes, all I need is words - it is I think my top Love Language!

I am better today! Much better. My soul is hurting and I am running low on happy, but I am getting there. God is giving me outlets, friends, songs, just really speaking to me right now.

Tomorrow, I am calling my Dr. back about my anti-depressant, as I know I need it right now. I need to seek some counseling too.

Things are looking up -

Moving on to a couple random things.
- I get my iphone tonight! Drew upgraded his, so I get his old one! Oh yah, I am excited.
- Billy Mays died - seriously, is there something in the hollywood water or something?
- Busy week ahead - my in laws will be here Thurs - Sunday. Super fun though.

ok, that's it! Enjoy the rest of your "Rest" day - Sunday!

Where'd I put that manual?

I think I lost my Parker instructions - darn it.

I don't know what to do right now with him.

Yes, he is a year, but when telling him no and expecting him to listen and understand, is he thinking like a 1 year old or a 10 month old.

How the heck do I discipline him?

I am so frustrated, I don't know what to do, what I am doing and I just want to cry.

And on top of all of this, I am realizing I should probably not have asked my doctor to ween me off of my anti-depressant. My mood has totally stunk lately, I am losing patience and want to cry and scream. I am calling her back on Monday and seeing what she suggests.

I don't know, I just feel so frustrated, Parker is older and there for in the toddler, get into everything stage. I am feeling totally burdened and attacked by Satan. I so want to just cry!

I feel so stuck, confused, alone and on top of it all, I doubt myself, as a friend, wife and mother.

HELP ME!

Merry Maid - Where Art Thou?

I am going to be honest here for a moment. I want to confess to you, my readers, something that you should know about me. It may be quite surprising, so hopefully you are sitting down.

I HATE HOUSEWORK!

I see you there, gasping for air in shock and awe. Well darn it, its the truth.

I hate dishes, mopping, sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, wiping things down, taking time to clean...bleck. Oh and I especially hate the bathrooms and laundry.

So where, may I ask is my merry maid? I think I deserve one...I think all of us at some point deserves one. I am a stay at home mom of a little stinker (good stinker, but stinker none the less).

And the cleaning has gotten worse - that mushed up animal crackers in the rug, the cherrios I step on all the time, and that melted cheese cube I missed that got in the corner. Yup, I have a baby that gets most food on the floor and than in his mouth. Someone tell me they start to get it in the mouth eventually. (then again, I still can't always make it in my mouth.)

The one thing I do love - cooking. I could cook all day. And bake, I love to cook and bake and make things with food. And I am getting more adventurous with my cooking. I even made pork roast recently. PORK ROAST - ME? What! Oh yah, I am like the poor girls Racheal Ray! Actually, I love Paula Deen and I agree - it's better with butter! :) So if you ever want to come over for dinner, let me know.

But when it comes back to the rest of home things - just call me a maid and let me go out and come back to a spotless home! Now, don't get me wrong, I do clean - if I didn't do some cleaning I'd lose what's left of my mind! Seriously, I would!

Anyways, now that I have complained about my issues - I am off to clean! You know why? Because I see you there, staring at me as if I am a big girl and can clean! Fine, I will stop with the guilt already!

Momma Don't Preach...

I don't even know what to write. I am choosing to distance myself from a situation that has sucked me in and started ruling my mind. I am mad at myself for getting sucked in, I am angry that I chose to stare at the computer all day - I am moving on...moving past it...life goes on...na na na na - life goes on!

MOVING RIGHT ALONG

So, about this being a mom thing - have you ever wanted to just quit. Just pack a bag and take off for an hour and breath? I am kind of at that point (AND NO I WOULD NEVER LEAVE P alone!). Parker has been a challenge as of late. I think my doctor thinks I am nuts for the call I made to them yesterday...

See Parker has been waking up every night for the past week at about the same time screaming. Normally I would just let him cry it out. But this scream is a blood curdling, "I am in pain, someone wants to kill me scream". He does it for 10-15 minutes and finally calms down, I let him have a bit of bottle and put him back down! All better. So I decided to call the doctor and ask them what to do. Their response - you're doing all you can and should do - REALLY? that's your wonderful doctor studied-for-a-million-years medical advice. They basically said it could be teeth, gas, growth spurt, but it's obviously not something they can go in and test with blood tests. Well that's good!

I also asked them about his eating problems. He won't eat anything except his bottle. So much for that cheese I bought! Actually, today has been better - he ate really well and again the dr. said I was doing everything right and that it's a toddler thing. Nice.

And again I ask, where the heck did I put P's owner's manuel? It had to have been misplaced somewhere - right?

Kids are complicated.

And also, why don't people tell you that toddlers are a challenge. My mom never gave me any great advice. I should have known that I would be challenged daily, frustrated, ready to pull my hair out daily. But NOOOOO, I think it's gonna be all sugar plums and perfectness that Parker will be the exception and be the perfect child that can talk by 2 months and do everything on his own by now. Ha! Totally not true.

Man, this mom thing is hard!