Thursday, October 23, 2008

Over protective Mommy???

I am convinced that having a preemie has made me freaked out about everything. Maybe it's the "be careful..." speech I got before Parker left the NICU. Or the "watch out for..." or "make sure you don't..." speeches. Or maybe it's the evil RSV - three letters that, normally, would be no big deal. Today I took Parker with my to my play date groups lunch at Panera. We decided to walk afterwards and I was worried, my "cancer of the worry" (as Drew calls it) flared up. 

- Does he have enough layers on?
- Should I put a coat on him? (Never mind that we don't have one!)
- Is it too windy?
- Should I take my coat off and put it over him as an extra blanket (which he had one he was covered with.
- His hat almost fell off?
- Oh now, what about cold germs?

And this wasn't even all the questions that went through my head. I realized, I need to trust my instincts, they haven't let me down before. Then I realized, he will be ok, yes, his immune system is a little immature, but I can't put him in a bubble. It's a learning process and I need to be able to enjoy myself  and enjoy him too. Obviously it all turned out well! 

 - Side story - 
So I am on my way home and coming to a stop light. I need to turn left so I get ready to go into that lane, make sure the bus in front of me isn't going over. He stopped in the straight lane so I proceed to get into the turn lane, then all of sudden, mr bus driver decides, had I am going to turn. Starts to merge over...I have no where to go other than across the double yellow line into on coming traffic. I book it and get around him (thankfully no one was coming!) He then pulls up behind me and honks at me throwing his hands up and yelling what I am sure is curse words at me. Um, excuse me, but I checked, I waited and you weren't merging, so I went around. It isn't my fault that you decided to get over. So don't go honking at me. I mean, maybe he thought I hadn't but I had. And the only reason I sped up was to not get hit! He proceeded to tailgate me the rest of the way home. Oh sorry mr bus driver man.

So back to being over protective. I wonder sometimes if I am more over protected and worried because Parker is a preemie. Sometimes I wish I could stick him back in the NICU until he is more "normal." Well not normal, just that I wish I didn't feel like I had to worry about him and his health and if I am doing things right or good enough for him. 

I just love my son and really don't want him back in the hospital...spending 69 days there was hard enough for the first couple of months, I really am not sure I could do it again! Although something tells me if God gave me the strength to do it this summer, he would do it again, and for that, I am thankful!!!


Christy said...

As a Momma who's little girl died from cancer (8 1/2 yrs ago now) I can tell you that it's normal to worry about your baby, especially with winter coming on. Ultimately as you said you just have to follow your instincts and the knowledge that you have. You can't keep him in a bubble as you said, but you do what you can to keep him safe.

You won't be able to protect him from every tiny thing, yet you can protect him from the majority of things with the knowledge you have.

One great thing too is that his Ped. is there to call if you're worried. Be annoying, who cares! He's your baby and you are his advocate!

Praying God will give you peace, it's definately not easy.

Carrie said...

Oh, you are so normal, Denise! :) Zachary wasn't a preemie, and so I haven't been germophobic, but I always dressed him in LOTS of layers, and I still worry about all that...he's 10 months, and the other day it was 55 degrees & I had him in a coat, mittens & fleece hat for a 15-minute stroller ride.

I think it's a normal mother thing to worry about our babies & take good care of them. :)