Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dear Depression - YOU STINK

optional title: satan you are a stupid head

I feel so frustrated by how down I can get in just a matter of seconds. One dumb move, one wrong word, one misunderstanding and boom...I sit and stew and get all negative and then satan, being that crafty miserable stink head comes in and plays on my already down mood...making me hate myself, come up with scenarios like "you made such a bad mistake Deni, you should be fired..." ect. I mean, it's ridiculous.

I would venture to say that my depression is actually better, to be honest. I don't have a lot of down days anymore. But when I do have one, I mean it's TOUGH...I may have less, but I have them hard when I do have them. I got to my Dr. next week and I am at a point were I am just not sure it's the right time to wean off the meds. And I am ok with that. God has given me a peace about being on meds right now and I know when it's time, I will be ready.

But it doesn't make me like this depression any more. In fact, I hate depression, I hate my self loathing and negative thoughts.

I am glad though that I am learning to work through it, just wish it went easier!



Ali said...

Love ya, friend.

Marla Taviano said...

Praying for you, Denise!! Hugs!

Anonymous said...

so glad I got to see you today, and you got some Deni time! Love you and lifting you up in prayer

Carrie said...

I'm praying for you! I heard this great idea this weekend in Sunday school, which I fully intend to do 'when I get time'. :) It was called a 'safe thoughts' journal, where you record all kinds of verses, quotes, song lyrics, and even maybe an iTunes playlist of songs that encourage you and remind you that God is in control - and when you're feeling depressed, you go to your journal or your playlist, and just let the truth of God's Word & His presence surround you. I also struggle with depression from time to time, I was especially worried that it would be back during this tired stage with Natalie as a newborn, but the Psalms have been such an encouragement to me.