According to Who?

I don't normally draw parallels from pop music, but today on the way home while listening to a non-christian radio station (I know, I'm a heathen - so sue me) a song came on. Now, I've heard it before, i especially LOVE the guitar part, so that's normally why I listen to it, but today I actually listened to the words. Now, in the song, I am sure the girl who sings it is talking about boy a and boy b and love and yadda yadda, but as I listened to the words, it hit me, this kinda describes my relationship with the world (santan) vs. God. The world views me one way and that way leads to me believing HORRIBLE lies, but God, God doesn't see that, nope, the way he sees me is completely different. So here are some of the lyrics...

The song: "According to You" by Orianthi (what a name huh?)

According to you
Im stupid
Im useless
I cant do anything right
According to you
Im difficult
hard to please
forever changing my mind
Im a mess in a dress
cant show up on time
even if it would save my life
According to you, according to you

Now seriously, how many of us don't think the world looks us at this way? And of course satan is great I using these words as lies....I know I often feel stupid, useless....difficult...ect.

Oh, but there's more:

But according to him
Im beautiful
incredible
he cant get me out of his head
According to him
Im funny
irresistable
everything he ever wanted
Everything is opposite ...

Um Hello, God see's us like this. He thinks we are beautiful, stretch marks, beer bellies, pimples and all. God's love is unconditional. And I am quite sure He finds us incredible, irresistable...ect.

And I think my favorite part:

I need to feel appreciated
like Im not hated. oh no
Why cant you see me through his eyes?

Oh yah, take that SATAN! The last line though (to me) should read...Why can't Isee me through His eyes?

Why when I look in the mirror do I not see myself through God's eyes. To Him, I am everything and more, beautiful and special, perfect in every way. But when I look in the mirror, I see fat, ugly, insecure, stupid, useless (not all the time..).

If only we could see ourselves through His eyes and know that according to HIM we are beautiful, incredible, irresistible, ect. Oh the difference it would make to all of us!

Wow, I don't think I will listen to that song the same way now. Maybe I am making this up, but I think the words can be seen in the way I just stated.

So let me ask you: According to who? Who do you see yourself though, Him or the world???

....Thy Name Is....

Failure thy name is Denise...

OK before you start going off on me and telling me how wonderful of a mom and wife and friend and yadda yadda I am, hear me out on this one... ok. I promise it starts off rough, but gets SO much better.

For several weeks (ok so maybe my whole life) I have been feeling like a failure. A failure as a mom, family member, wife, woman, Christian...I could list more. I could make a list of all the things I am convinced I have failed at, HOWEVER, I won't. Mostly because you don't have the time to read them all and also because, they aren't important, especially past things. Most recently though there have been 3 areas and which I have felt like a colossal failure.

1) Parker - I can see you sitting there now about ready to beat your head (or perhaps past that point) on the desk. Bare (bear?) with me. Where he is concerned, because I care THAT deeply, I feel like I fail on a daily basis. This past weekend was one of those areas. My sweet little man had, yet again, another wheezing episode. On Thursday last week, he became congested. Paying close enough attention I noticed that he was coughing - ding ding ding - a light went off - I remembered that this is actually a first sign of potential wheezing....I albuteroled the heck out of him Thursday. Friday he sounded great, no real cough, so I didn't worry - until the evening. That's when the big coughs came - again...friend thy name is albuterol. Saturday morning the poor boy woke up a hot wheezy mess. I called his pediatricians office knowing full well that it was a Sat and I probably would get a co-worker of his normal dr. We went in, sure enough....my ears did not deceive me. *Feeling of failure comes in here* The Dr. whom I thought was REALLY awesome talked to me about how I did the right thing, and how we would start Parker on FloVent (a preventative breathable inhaler) and OraPred (oral steroid - know as to me - Parker's hyper happiness) and that we wouldn't need to go to the ER. (Side note: all the way to the dr. I was convinced I'd have to take him to the ER). I asked her about 4 times if she was SURE I wouldn't need to take him to the er. Nope she said. Ok sure. I told her that I felt so happy that I had gotten ahead of if for the first time and that I really though there would be no wheezing this time around and she said that I had. (Ok then why the wheezing huh?) With his lungs being as premature as they were it's not surprising that even though I was really vigilant he still wheezed. It's the nature of the beast.

I left feeling both relieved and worried. We got home and Parker's wheezing got worse. I call the Dr. back (feeling of failure #2) and asked what to do (I actually called my friend Crissy first...thanks for listening to me that day - Love you!) She said that again, I had done the right thing, calling her (she seems to know I need reassurance) and that we would put him on albuterol every two hours for 6 hours (that would be three doses before bedtime) to give both the Flovent and the orapred the ability to really get in his system. It worked! I was thrilled and those failure feelings left.

So that's the most recent "issue" with Parker and failure coming into play. Today's feeling of failure - my son too much TV (P.S. he's currently napping - I don't have him watching the Boob Tube). He actually doesn't get that much. He gets an hour of Sesame street after nap. And maybe 1-1.5 hours the rest of the day spread out. (The kid must watch Yo Gabba Gabba before bed....and I am ok with that, because by the time it's over, he's read to sleep.)

2) Keeping house
I am not gonna lie, I hate housework. I hate everything about it, but I hate my house being messy - imagine that. I think sometimes it feels pointless to clean. Like yesterday, I worked REALLY hard on cleaning the kitchen. It looked pretty (needed to sweep and mop but with my head cold, I just couldn't continue past what I had done.) and nice. I made dinner - and now, it's destroyed. Again. Ugh. Oh and the living room. Toys toys everywhere. Ugh. I feel like a failure in the house cleaning area. Maybe if I wasn't sick it would better. Oh who are we kidding, it wouldn't make a difference, I just have zero cleaning motivation.

3) My weight.
I am overweight. There - I said it. I know I am, I know I have been and I have a REAL TRUE desire to lose weight. If I can lose weight I should be able to have a healthy pregnancy again (when we are ready...and want to try again - READ I AM NOT PREGNANT) and I think I would like myself better. I want so bad to go on Weight Watchers or something, but I stress about the money and the doing it and the keeping the motivation part. Ugh. I hate it. I feel like such a failure in the weight loss area.

satan they name is snot

I mean really! I have had a head cold/sinus infection for a week now and I don't really feel too much better. I am still blowing my nose every 3.5 seconds (ok I exaggerate). I have used mucinex, sudafed, tylenol head and cold and I swear I am still so friggin clogged. I hate this and am convinced satan lives in my sinus' and is named snot.

Speaking of the red dude. I know that he is why I feel like a failure. He plays on my insecurities, my fears, my doubts. If he didn't know me so dang well and left me alone, I know that I would feel better. It gets frustrating, because I do try to not listen, but it's hard ya know? I am thankful that I have grown so much since P's birth because I truly believe that time and the growth afterwards has helped me to learn how to overcome satan's lies. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not perfect and there are times I listen to them, but a majority of the time, I am fine or I can notice them easier and get myself into a much better frame of mind.

So yah.

I think I will let you go....

Post thy name is long.....

(P.S. sorry for my obsession with the phrase "thy name is."





****Please note that I say "I Feel Like" not "I Am A" Failure! I am learning to not allow what I feel to constantly rule my life and me!****

What EXACTLY is he learning???

So here's my thing - I love Noggin (now Nick Jr.) and I honestly don't mind most of the shows on there...there are a few I will not allow Parker to watch (Yo Gabba Gabba, Lazytown to name 2). And I do let him watch a most on there (not all day mind you). But as we watch some of the shows...I wonder...if I should not allow him to watch a couple...Let's say I have some beef with a couple of shows.

Max and Ruby:
My beef with this show is this:
1. Ruby - her little miss know-it-all attitude. I mean really. Max is what 2? 3? and doesn't want to play with her and do girl stuff - and she acts like he has to do EVERYTHING she says. REALLY? What on earth does this teach? How is this appropriate for a preschooler to watch.
2. Parents - WHERE THE HECK ARE THEIR PARENTS???? You never see them - ever. You see Grandma on occasion, but she doesn't live there. Why on earth is Ruby in charge of everything? She's what maybe 7 and she takes her little brother to the park with out supervision? She makes him food, she cooks by herself. Again, what on earth does this teach?

I just don't get it?

The Wonder Pets
My beef with this show is:
1. Honestly, this may be one of my favorite shows that Parker watches. But Ming-Ming's attitude ANNOYS me! She acts like she's the best thing since sliced bread...seriously. And what's with her trying to take over Linny's position in the group? And why does she think she can do everything herself? It's supposed to be about TEAMWORK!

It makes me wonder what the writers of these shows are thinking. Ya know, these are supposed to be preschool shows and teach good things...but what exactly are children learning when they see a little girl taking care of her brother by herself and acting like she knows EVERYTHING? Or what are they supposed to think when they see a cute little chick posing a real attitude about teamwork and wanting to do it by herself?

I honestly used to care less - anything to keep Parker happy and entertained - what.ev.er! But as he gets older - it hits me, what on earth am I allowing to be put into his head?

Anyways, so that's my beef...and now I am going to go eat - because talking about beef made me hungry! :)

Momma Don't Preach...

I don't even know what to write. I am choosing to distance myself from a situation that has sucked me in and started ruling my mind. I am mad at myself for getting sucked in, I am angry that I chose to stare at the computer all day - I am moving on...moving past it...life goes on...na na na na - life goes on!

MOVING RIGHT ALONG

So, about this being a mom thing - have you ever wanted to just quit. Just pack a bag and take off for an hour and breath? I am kind of at that point (AND NO I WOULD NEVER LEAVE P alone!). Parker has been a challenge as of late. I think my doctor thinks I am nuts for the call I made to them yesterday...

See Parker has been waking up every night for the past week at about the same time screaming. Normally I would just let him cry it out. But this scream is a blood curdling, "I am in pain, someone wants to kill me scream". He does it for 10-15 minutes and finally calms down, I let him have a bit of bottle and put him back down! All better. So I decided to call the doctor and ask them what to do. Their response - you're doing all you can and should do - REALLY? that's your wonderful doctor studied-for-a-million-years medical advice. They basically said it could be teeth, gas, growth spurt, but it's obviously not something they can go in and test with blood tests. Well that's good!

I also asked them about his eating problems. He won't eat anything except his bottle. So much for that cheese I bought! Actually, today has been better - he ate really well and again the dr. said I was doing everything right and that it's a toddler thing. Nice.

And again I ask, where the heck did I put P's owner's manuel? It had to have been misplaced somewhere - right?

Kids are complicated.

And also, why don't people tell you that toddlers are a challenge. My mom never gave me any great advice. I should have known that I would be challenged daily, frustrated, ready to pull my hair out daily. But NOOOOO, I think it's gonna be all sugar plums and perfectness that Parker will be the exception and be the perfect child that can talk by 2 months and do everything on his own by now. Ha! Totally not true.

Man, this mom thing is hard!

Plastic Surgery For Me?!

Before I go any further, I would like to note that this entry is about plastic surgery thoughts and female stuff. So if you are of the male persuasion, I suggest that you stop reading here....lest you be red in the face. Also, another friendly warning, this is a hard subject for me to share, but I am doing it for support and prayers.
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2.) Is plastic surgery an option? Without being vulgar, write about the body part still attached to you that you would most like to dis-attach and replace with a better one.
(writingfix.com)



Ok, are all the men gone? Good! I want to share my thoughts on plastic surgery with all of you. alrighty, here goes:

I am going to be flat out honest here - I HATE MY CHEST. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. I do my best to enjoy what God has felt the need to endow me with, but quite honestly, the enjoyment almost always is non-existent. It's really hard to describe to you the pain I feel due to the largeness of my chest. I am not the skinniest person, I have a little extra weight on my body, but by no means do my "girls" match the size of my body. They are much larger than someone my age, height, and weight should be carrying around. They have always been larger than I feel they should be and I am horribly embarrassed by them a lot of the times. I really struggle with self image anyways and then add in there the large chest, it makes it hard for me to enjoy things completely.

When it comes to plastic surgery, I really don't like it when one does it to just do it. I will never understand why people go in to get a larger chest (maybe that's because of the size of mine) or a facelift or other types of implants. I think for medical purposes (i.e. breast reduction, help after an accident, ect.) it is ok. I myself have always considered breast reduction. My back is in constant pain and my chest just makes it hurt. I wanted to wait, though, until I had children because I had planned on breast feeding. Now though, with the struggle I had with even producing milk and not knowing if I want any more biological children, I am seriously considering having a reduction done. I really feel that if I did, I would be able to enjoy Parker more, life more, myself more.

I am prayerfully considering pursuing this within the next 6 - 12 months. I want to make sure that if I do decide to pursue a reduction, I am doing it for the right reasons. I want to be at total peace about it and as it stands, right now, I am not, I think mainly because I don't have all the details about it and I am scared of having surgery. I keep thinking about what happened with Parker and having to be on a vent and the pain and such and I think those thoughts and fears are really putting a damper on my desire to have a surgery that I believe would help with my quality of life. I also want to make sure that insurance would cover it, that I research this desire enough that I don't get into any trouble.

This would be a huge step for me if I was able to follow through with it, but I don't want to rush into anything. As far as I am concerned, plastic surgery for medical purposes is an option for me, but for recreation purposes, not so much. I have no issues with my face, or the rest of my body (though I would love to lose weight.)


Your turn! Head over to MamaKat's site for all the prompts for her writer's workshop this week. Pick your poison, write up a blog entry and then go back to her site and leave your name and that post under Mr. Linky!

10 Things I Wonder...

Today, I have alot on my mind - mostly things I wonder!

1. How did my baby go from this:


To this:


My baby is 11 months old today, I cannot believe it!

2. How do I not lose my mind now that my little man is crawling everywhere and pulling up on everything?

3. Why does Parker always seem to find the hardest surface to pull up on? And how many times can he fall and bump his head before the kid gets a concussion or something?

4. How afraid should I be of the swine flu?

5. Does Jack Hanna live in Columbus since he is our zoo director?

6. Should I go to the library today?

7. Is my son going to say "kitty" before he says "mama"?

8. How do I not over pack for our Tennessee Trip? I don't want to go overboard, but I also don't want to forget anything since we will be gone for a week.

9. Why did I just call my cat Parker?

10. Why do I love blogging so much?

TidBits: HAHA moments, TN, Grocery, Parker

It's time for another issue of Tidbits. Tidbits is where I basically write all that is in my head. A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

1) I am happy to report that Mr. Parker precious pants is back to his normal breathing self. Last time he had any form of his inhaler was a week ago! He is acting as if nothing really happened. I still have to be careful with him, but I think it's all over with. I hope that his breathing issues never happen again, but with every challenge I realize that I am a great mom and know my son. I am sad in a weird way that he is no long on his steroids. They cleared up his eczema beautifully, but it's back...but at least it's not every part of his body, it's really just his cheeks and knees and his arms. I am continually rubbing lotion on him. It's frustrating, but with this nicer weather, it's not nearly as bad as it had been!
- 2 Quick Questions: 1) How do I teach Parker to use a cup? well a sippy actually. Is there anything I can do to help him realize you don't chew it, you suck? 2) If you baby has an allergic reaction to something, how do you know the difference between that and say just eczema?
Now I am not saying that Parker had an allergic reaction, but I just was wondering if maybe part of his breathing issue was due to one. It was the first day he had tried beef and he ended up in hospital. Granted I think his breathing had started out that day being more rough than normal, but not as bad until the evening. I feel like I am questioning myself and all I do for Parker. But maybe the hospital would have noticed if it were an allergic reaction - don't you think?

2) Moving along - I have to say, I find myself amused by random things. For example today, I am leaving the grocery. I am getting ready to pull out of my spot and I see this precious little old lady attempting to pull into a handicap spot. She totally missed it and ends up parking in the striped part. She sits there for a minute and realizes she didn't make it into the actual spot. I don't know, but I found it humorous. You know what else I find humorous? That I hate drinking wine, but I use it to cook with. They say only cook with wine you would drink - well what do you do when you wouldn't drink it? I think it tastes awful personally, I love cooking with it though because the alcohol cooks out. I think it's funny. Also funny - attempting to purchase wine when I know squat about it.

3) Speaking of the grocery - I have found the perfect time for me to go - 10am on Monday morning. I scored some awesome meat deals, there was no one in the store really, I got to take my time and compare prices and think through things. I loved it. And Drew got to be with daddy here at home so I didn't have to deal with him (though he would have been fine!) I am attempting to use coupons more...it helps!

4) I am getting so excited and giddy about May! On May 10th our church will be holding a dedication time during service. I will be dedicating Parker at that service (no it is not baptism). It happens to be mother's day too, what a great day. Also exciting, Drew's parents are coming down to be there during Parker's dedication. I am hoping maybe some of my family with come from Indiana, it would be awesome to have them, but I don't want to pressure them. Anyways, on the 11th - that monday - we are headed to Tennessee for a week. We are going to Knoxville and I finally get to meet Drew's grandma and grandpa and they will get to meet Parker too. We are going to go to Gatlinburg, Panther Creek State Park and other fun places. We are also going to Mt. Vernon indiana to see Drew's aunt and uncle. We may get to stop in Nashville! I am so excited for our trip, I can't wait to go on a proper family vacation.

This weekend we are heading to Cincinnati to see our friend's The Vinson's who moved to MN a few years back. I haven't seem them in almost a year and I miss them. Heather and I were roommates and I love her to death. I turned to her a lot during my pregnancy and even the first months of Parker's life. She is one of my BFFs! I can't wait. I also get so see some other college buddies too, we are having a cookout at the Reasor's; Brandee was my roommate the last year of college. And the Hobb's - almost all of the CCU posse.

I think that is all I have for today, other than to stay in prayer for Stellan and the MckMama family (see my other post from today.)

Love you all! Glad to be back in the swing of blogging!

Writer's Workshop: Losing my mind!

Top Ten Things Swirling in my Head:

1) Where is my W2? I called my former boss in January to make sure she had my new addressed. She faxed payroll and yet no W2...now I get to wait for payroll to call...this stinks.

2) Why are people so mean? I am the follower of an amazing blog that for whatever reason is coming under scrutiny by people. Questioning this family's motives and being REALLY rude in the process.

3) When is this dang cold, snow and ice going to go away? I am SICK of it.

4) When will Parker finally sit up on his own, without some support? He does well for 10 seconds and then falls.

5) When can I get more money to go out and buy a couple of things at the flower factory? I want to get a new thing to hang on our front door...a welcome sign, but I need money first.

6) Weird dreams - I keep having very weird dreams. Tuesday night I had one where I was dating Michael Phelps and attempting to help him break his pot habit...he went psycho and tried to kidnap me while my friends (the seeds) took Parker. And then last night, I had one where I was in cambodia and wanted to go see the orphanage, but I was there for a safari and then some army guy tried to shoot me, but shot himself. It was really weird. I think I need some mental help or something.

7) Mommy Guilt - I am enjoying my book (not the side of my blog!) and I am learning a lot as I do read this book. Yet, I still feel guilty!

8) Toddler Room Stuff - I am developing structure and curriculum for the toddler room at church (and LOVING it) but am struggling with the lesson telling. I was planning to just do it the way I had seen at a Ministry conference workshop, but the more I think about it, the less I like that idea and want to do a puppet. Like a bear - Bobby Bear from the Vista Mountains. Have him help tell each weeks lesson, I think the kids would get a kick out of it and want to listen more. I just have to figure it out and see what my hire-ups think ( ore or less, do they think it would work!) I really like the idea!

9) Pregnancy - I want more kids, I do, but I am terrified of having the same issues I did the last time. At this point, I have zero desire to be pregnant again, but I keep thinking what if I get pregnant even though I am doing everything not to get pregnant. How would I handle that. I seriously don't think I would be happy about it at first. But then again, I shouldn't worry about it at all. Me and my worrying.

10) Valentines Day - Where should Drew and I eat? What should I get him? Why do we celebrate this holiday anyway? And for that matter, why do we celebrate Groundhog's Day? It's not like they have super powers or anything. And when is it Christmas again?

Your Turn, below are the prompts, choose one, or two, or all, writer up your post and head over to Mama Kat's Blog and leave your name under Mr. Linky!

The Prompts:

1.) Tell us about a lie you told that you later regretted.

2.) Choose a task you'd like someone to complete and write a poem asking them to do it.
3.) Describe a talent you have.

4.) Write a list of ten things on your mind this week.


:)

If this is fat...

If this is fat....than I must be gianormous! I mean, I this certainly isn't the most flattering look on Ms. Simpson, but she is NOT fat...and if she is....than I must be super fat!

This is why media ticks me off....because apparently to be healthy and skinny you must be a size: 0 I hate to tell you this, but size 0 isn't what I strive to be. I would certainly like to be healthier...maybe a size 12 or 14 (because isn't that the average size of a woman?

I am just so saddened at how media is. I feel bad for Jessica Simpson.

Buffet 'O Me

Update:

BIG PRAYER REQUEST - my really good friend Jennielle is pregnant with her 3rd kiddo. She is 6.5 weeks and has been dizzy, fainted, lightheaded, shaking, ect....she went to the ER last night and they don't know what's up. She has to see a high risk dr. and has two toddlers and a working hubby. Right now, she can't do much at all! Poor girl...please pray for her. She has a long 9 months ahead!

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I don't really have one thing to say today...I have a little bit of everything to share with you all today. So feel free to grab a plate and get a little bit of everything of my buffet.

First - PRAYER REQUESTS
If you could take the time and pray for some people for me, I would greatly appreciate it. First, please pray for Logan, Parker's really life birthday sharing preemie buddy. He is back in the hospital, has to have another surgery and his mom is getting frustrated because it seems the doctors are kind of over looking some things that T. has been studying herself. He is having surgery tomorrow and I am planning to be there with her so she isn't alone. Also, please continue to pray for sweet baby Harper, you can stop by her mom's blog: Kelly's Korner. Also, came across another blog today of another little guy that could use our prayers, his name is Brayden and is just a few days old and having lung issues. Please stop by his mommy's blog: Jenny's Journey.

Second - Hey Mama's
I think I am doing something wrong when I make Parker's food. We are starting that process and I made him some carrots which, when he had them last week I couldn't scoop into his mouth fast enough. Well when I went to feed them to him, he like gagged on them and spit them out. I thought I pureed them really well, but they are a different texture (a little chunkier - if you will) then the ones you can buy from gerber....should I do more to make them smoother? If so, how? Also, any suggestions helping Parker with his eczema? I have been using cortizone on it, but I swear, this weather is killing his skin. Also, how do I make applesauce? Do I like cook the apples so they are tender and then puree them with water? I am so confused sometimes when it comes to these new things with Parker.

Third - A Few Addictions - as of late
Anyone else ever heard of confessions of a teen idol, it's on VH1? I think it's really good. Also, I hate to admit this but I like this season of The Bachelor, I swore that I would never watch it because it is a waste of time...but for whatever reason this season I am glued to the tv! P.S. at this point, I must be the only person who is not in love with Melissa...my pick is Stephanie!

Ok, the buffet is done. Hope you are all well! :)

Questions & Answers

Ok, so this solid food thing....loving it, but I am confused.

1) What do you do when your child will not touch cereal?
- Parker just does not want cereal...does he REALLY need it? I have attempted to mix things in with it, applesauce, sweet potatoes, bananas...and he gives me that look like, "Mother, don't even trick me!"

2) I got the book Super Baby Food and I plan to start making my own. For those of you who have/had make your own baby food how did that work for you? I got a really nice blender rather than processor (since I know that I will use the blender a lot more than a processor) anyways...can you just give me examples of what you did, how you stored it, thawed it, measured it, and how about can I used can veggies, or do I always need to get fresh and then steam them and puree them? Just share some of your tips if you don't mind.

3) How did you know when your little one was ready for a cup? How did you introduce that? (I am thinking Parker isn't there yet, just kind of preparing.

4) What are so things you have learned from being a mommy and some tips you can share...I am attempting to make my life easier!

Thanks!

Oh and Parker is breathing just fine now. He has gotten horrible congested in the past few days and so we are going nuts sucking his nose out and using saline and such. I just feel like Parker has been sick like every day for the past like 3 months. It's one thing after another after another. I mean, it's all stuff that isn't serious and goes away quickly, but I feel like I should keep him in a bubble for a while! I am a bit frustrated!

Reflections & Resolutions

Goodbye 2008...Hello 2009,

How weird does that sound to say, 200 - 9? It's so strange to me. I feel old realizing that I am 2 years away from my 10 year High School reunion. Am I really two years away from 28? Wow...just wow.

I want to remember 2008 as the year I got what I have always wanted - my own child. I knew growing up that I wanted to be a mom, in fact, I always felt like a mom to my 3 younger siblings, but I knew that I wanted my own baby. It was a dream of mine. And this year, that dream came true. In the next room, sleeping, is my beautiful son. He is my little miracle, my little critter, my tiny turtle, my Mr. Man. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone.

I just wish things had worked out better in regards to my pregnancy. To this day, it still hurts at times when I think about how suddenly it went from a great pregnancy to a scary one. It still hurts when I think about how I went from pregnant, to not with in the matter of 4 hours. It's now what I had planned and not what I expected and while sometimes it feels like a total bummer and I get angry, I wouldn't change what came out of it. I adore Parker and everything I went through, was so so worth it.

I look forward to a new year, a new chance. I want to forget about all the negative stuff of this year and look on to a new year.

I resolve or hope and plan to lose weight this year. I have no desire to get pregnant in the near future (or at this point, ever again, as I have some internal stuff to work through related to that.) So I plan to work on eating better - more organic, less junk - working out more. I want to get in better shape and stop feeling like total junk. I want to work on my scrap booking again and I want to step out and meet new people.

I want 2009 to be a more positive year for me, for my family. I look forward to seeing Parker turn 1, going to Tennessee to meet some relatives on Drew's side I haven't, taking Parker to the zoo for the first time, going up to Buffalo, seeing Parker walk, hearing him talk, ect.

So goodbye 2008 and hello 2009! Happy New Years everyone

Disney's Issue with Mom's?

My friend and I were discussing this at thanksgiving, and I just saw a post on tweetmom's about it. But what's with Disney and mom's. Think about it:

Finding Nemo - mom dies
Cinderella - mom is evil
Bambi - mom dies
Beauty and the Beast - no mention of a mom
Snow white - evil mom
Ratatouille - no mention of mom
Little Mermaid - only a dad
Aladdin - no mom mentioned

Weird....did anyone else notice this. Anyone else have any movies that are Disney where mom is not mention, dead, ect? What are your theories!

Maybe Disney has something against mom's!