Asthma and Sitters

Dear Asthma - YOU VACUUM (get it vacuum's suck?) and I STRONGLY DISLIKE YOU! YOU MAKE MY LIFE DIFFICULT and STRESS ME OUT. And I don't even have you!

Since Parker's ER visit on Dec. 21st I am finally starting to see his triggers, namely, this cold weather. He'd been fine, hadn't need any treatments and had been breathing fine since we saw his doctor on Christmas Eve. Then Sunday, boom, it hit. Don't think I didn't try to stop it...I mean, I bundled him up a lot: huge puffy coat (that might weigh more than him), gloves, hat, layers...but no, by the time he woke up from his nap at 4 that afternoon...he needed a treatment. Then he needed another before bed. And I went to bed super frustrated and bitter about the whole thing.

I am trying to learn Park's triggers...and it seems that the cold air outside is one. Which makes sense if you consider he started out with lung issues and the cold air can cause his lungs to be agitated and tighten. So thanks to this realization, I probably won't take him out much at all. At least not until the weather is warmer. He's always been fine when it's in the high 30's and higher, so until we see those days with little wind, we will stay in as much as possible. Don't get me wrong, obviously I will have to take him out at least on Sunday, but I am going to try to do my best to keep the cold air away from him...blanket anyone?

Which leads me to my next predicament. A sitter. I am not going to trust just anyone with my Park, sorry, I can't afford too. Which is making finding a sitter hard. I have plenty of friends who could watch him every now and then, but I would have to take him to them and I'd like to avoid that. I really would need someone that I could call up on a moments notice and be like, "Hey, need to do some grocery shopping, can you come play with Parker?" i don't know whether it would be good to post a craigslist ad for one or not. I feel like an employer, I want references and I want them to be CPR and First Aid certified. I want them to have experience and feel comfortable with a child who likely has asthma and who is my everything. Is this too much to ask? I don't want to sound harsh though... or no one will be interested. So what do you think, should I put up an ad and make sure that those interested know that I am going to be a bit picky in whom I choose.

Also, what's a good rate for a sitter? I haven't a clue on how much I should pay them. It's only going to be a few days a month and 2-3 hours those days. I hate this. I wish it were easier.

Advice would be appreciated on this...I have no clue how to handle finding a sitter and figuring pay and knowing what to ask those who are interested....

Tidbits - Lots of Randomness

It's been a while since I have actually put in a decent update of a blog. I don't know how decent this will be, but I will share with you some of the things that are going on.

- Taking precautions: I have heard too much lately about pictures being stolen and used on other blogs or in other areas of the country/world. I have decided to start watermarking all pictures I put on here. Last thing I need is someone passing off my son as theirs. I am hoping to also make this blog look a lot nicer, someday when I get money, I want to get a layout made as well as a button and such. But alas - I have no money - or at least not enough to have a decent background made, so I wait.

- Ouch: So yesterday I am getting out of the shower, I am rushing and slip and fall, hit my back on the tub and come down hard on my tailbone - needless to say I have been in PAIN!

- So our apartment complex was being repaved last week - and they still ARE NOT DONE! I mean seriously! The paving itself is done, however - they haven't lined the area by my building...and we don't know when they will and it's sectioned off - can you say annoying.

- I went to garage sales on Saturday and I was horribly disappointed. They were in these two HUGE neighborhoods that are near my apartments. Well the one, I was like, oooh, young families, lots of stuff - WRONG. Only maybe 1/4 or less of the houses were actually selling anything. I did, however, find 2 Melissa and Doug puzzles and a purse at one and they were each a dollar a piece! After that neighborhood Parker and I headed to another - where we met up with Tabatha and Logan. Logan is Parker's NICU buddy - born the same day and same gestation. We were able to score some clothes for Parker and Logan, but other than that, Nadda. Oh and for people who have one - I will not go to a garage sale if you are standing outside smoking by all the stuff you are selling. Last thing I need is my stuff to smell like smoke. So just a suggestion - maybe go behind your house or in it - especially if you have other people helping. Also, if you are selling posters of mostly naked women - I will not be purchasing from you!

- Today, Drew and I had a date day. We got up and rearranged our living room again. I like the set up, but need to finish getting stuff moved to other places. My house is a mess - which is annoying. After that, we dropped Parker off at our friends and Drew and I went to see Night at the Museum 2 - I looooooved it. So much better than the first if you ask me! It was nice to have that time with Parker.

- I should note, I do not at all appreciate know-it-alls. (I REALLY wanted to go off on someone last night for being rude and acting like a know it all. It annoyed me!)

- Hmmmm - I think that is all I have for today! Have a good one and be blessed!

My Mother's Day Gift Guide!

I have been thinking a lot about mother's day this year. It's my first one with a child (though I did celebrate it last year!) and I count myself lucky to be able to celebrate it. Though I realize you should not need a day to celebrate moms, I plan to enjoy it! I truly believe this year is going to be one of my best because I get to dedicate my son on this day! This just thrills me.

I have been thinking a lot about gifts. I have no idea what I would want. While I need/want new clothes I don't want them for mothers day. I thought I wanted something sentimental, but I am not sure about that either, the last thing I really need is another necklace or picture frame. I have been searching the internet, reading other blogs and I have come up with my list of Mother's Day gift ideas (hunny, are you paying attention???) Parker, is daddy paying attention for you??? (These are in random order)

1. The Pouchee
- Not that my purse is horribly unorganized, but it would be nice to have a way to change purses easier. I am also too the point where I don't always carry a purse, what with an almost one year old and his stuff, I tend to throw my stuff in his diaper bag or a canvas bag and go. I am almost sick of trying to balance a purse, a diaper bag, ect. I certainly think this would be helpful. Plus, my friend Sandy, has one and loves hers and well, she's getting me to love them too!

2. The Fumi Purse Hook
- Did I not just say that I don't want to carry my purse as much? Well, its true, but I do plan to carry it when out with a friend or on a date with the hubby! This little doodad is super cute and practical. Rather than sitting my purse on the ground in who knows what, it keeps it up off the floor! How handy is that! No more bending over to pick it up, no sitting it in nasty sticky stuff. It makes life a little easier! Plus, its fashionable! Oh and this is another thing Sandy owns and it's too cute!

3. Gladiator Sandals and or Flip Flops!
- Sure I said I didn't want clothes, but I didn't say I didn't want shoes! I love me some shoes, especially sandals - especially gladiator style and flip flops. It's in my humble opinion that sandals are fantabulous and everyone should own them! I am not a huge fan of the gladiator sandals that go up really high, but I certainly would love something like these:


4. Planters/Flowers
- I grew up always helping my grandma planting flowers in the spring. While I loathe bees, I love flowers and I miss having flowers around. I live in an upstairs apartment, so I have no actual ground area to plant flowers, but I do have front and back balconies. I have been thinking a lot about getting some planter boxes and planting flowers. I have one small flower pot (it currently has very DEAD plants in it) but I would love to have more. Just a small garden in a box! Heck, maybe even some hanging flower pots would be nice too. There are hooks that I could use to hand some up. I just really need some flowers or something.


5. An Outdoor Oasis
- I would love to make my front balcony another room! I would be out there ALL the time! I'd love to get an outdoor rug, a couple of plants, a cute little bistro table and chair set and make a little outdoor living area. As it stands right now, my patio has a green blanket on it (for when Parker is out playing so he doesn't sit on wood, and a foldable lawn chair!

6. Spa Day/Massage
- Seriously, what mom would not like this. Oh man, I would love to have a day of pampering with out the kiddo. I'd love a nice professional massage, get my hair done, soak in hot tub, just a day to myself.

7. Esty Gift Card
- I am obsessed with Etsy. I love handmade, unique, thoughtful items. I love looking at all the creative items on etsy and would love a gift card so that I could get some things.

8. Pictures of Parker
- As it stands right now, I do not have any pictures of Parker hung in the house. I have wedding pictures and that's about it. I'd love some 8x10's to hang up, that would be super awesome! I'd love to have enough to where I could make a collage on my wall.

9. Blog Design
- I would love to have my blog updated with a nice design by someone who makes layouts. I came across a great website of someone who does designs as a way to raise money to go on volunteer/humnaitarian trips. The name of her site is Blogs for a Cause! It's a great way to not only get a nice gift for mother's day, but also support someone else. And I have to say, she does great work!

10. Organizing Needs
- On thing I have been working hard on is organizing my home. Making things easier to find, while de-cluttering and giving items homes. I would love to go to the container store or really anywhere and just get a bunch of different items to help with my organizing. I have done quite a bit of work so far (especially in my kitchen) and I would love to keep going at it. I am sick of the clutter and the messes!

Well there you have it, 10 ideas for Mother's Day gifts. Also, I am a huge fan of handmade things by your children. I still make handmaid gifts, cards ect for others and I believe it adds a special touch to a gift to know that your child put in effort to make you something!



I also had the chance to post this over at Blissfully Domestic, one of my favorite sites for all things domestic, blissful and useful. This site is amazing, it always has awesome articles, anything from home decor ideas to being blissfully you! Check it out: Blissfully Domestic.

Tidbits - What's on my mind!

Hi friends!

Today on Tidbits I am going to share a little bit of everything on my mind!

March of Dimes Walk
Yesterday was the walk! Because it was the first year that I did it I wasn't sure what to expect. I had these ideas in my head, but you can only be so prepared. Let me tell you, it was way more exciting and long than I expected. I certainly didn't expect 5 miles to be so long...it doesn't seem like it would be long, but holy cow! I am proud to say that we did finish the 5 miles with very few stops (towards the end I did start to get sick, thank goodness for Steak and Shake!) We finished strong and very proud to have been a part of such a great event. Yes, I even shed a tear or two or 70. There were a ton of other's there, though I have clue what the actual number was! My team consisted of Drew, Parker and me, as well as our friends Teresa, Kim and Kara and one of my blogger friends even walked with us (Thanks C.). We ran into one of Parker's nurses from the NICU! That was exciting and unexpected and so good! We didn't get to see anyone else, though she did say there were some others there! It was cool to see other family teams and their posters. Ours was out and I was so excited, I am also excited because we got to keep it if we wanted to! Parker did so so good! I was expecting a meltdown from being too hot or not getting a diaper change - but no, he sat in his stroller with his incredibly cute outfit and played with his toys and talked! I think we finished in an hour and 45 minutes. After the walk we spent the afternoon resting (while Parker spent it playing!). I am not too sore today, my blister on my foot hurts, and the random sunburn I got on only one arm and only on the back! Pictures to come - I haven't dumped the camera!

Saturday
Saturday was a good day too - just really busy. That morning, Parker and I got up early and went to a soccer game to cheer on M. He is the son of my good friend C and B and we promised him we'd come to a game. He adores Parker and visa versa. His team did well and won!!! We came home and our friend Teresa came over to help me make our team shirts! (We were the only team there with hand maid shirts!) After she left I headed to a coupon class hosted by Ellen of ThriftyChicMom. She is an insane (good insane) couponer and she shared her tips! I look forward to getting into it. I have clipped coupons, but I have never been so organized and thoughtful in my shopping. After that I went grocery shopping for a little bit of stuff and came home and relaxed.

Parker
This little man is giving mommy and daddy headaches! He gets into everything, pulls up on everything, bumps his head on everything (nothing serious) and is just running amuck! This weekend he has started crawling more and more and he pulls up on anything he can. It's crazy to think a week ago he barely did anything but roll and now...yah, not so much. He's such a big boy and he is doing so well!

Today I am going to do some spring cleaning! Our house is so cluttered and especially our walk in closet - A MESS! i am planning on getting some new clothes since I can't fit into most of my summer clothes from last year. We are going to tennessee in two weeks so I want to get some new things for that trip. Also, I need to get all the winter clothes put away too. Plus, with how sore I am it will be a good break before I am busy later this week!

I am done, thanks for reading my novel! I hope to get pictures up later today of the walk!

Happy Stuff

Today, I don't want this blog to be a "Debbie Downer" so today, I am choosing to be positive. It's been to easy, recently, for me to be negative - maybe I get too stressed, I don't know, but I am sick of being negative...today I choose to be positive.

So today, I want to share some happy/thankful thoughts with you.

- I am thankful that RSV season is almost over, I am thankful that Parker was able to receive his synagis shots and I am SUPER thankful for insurance that paid the $3000+ that the shots were! We aren't able to get his last months worth because of our insurance, so we have to basically act as if we just brought him home, no being around sick people, wash hands, yadda, yadda!

- I am thankful for my many many friends! I count myself blessed to have so many people who I can turn to whom I love and love me and my family. I am thankful for the wonderful women I know from church, I am blessed to have a great group that build me up! I am thankful for the new friends I make and the old friends I have and miss terribly at times. I am thankful for my college buddies who know me. I am thankful for you all, you readers out there that I have never met in person and those I have. I am thankful to be able to share my story with you and that you continue to read my blog, even on the hard days!

- I am thankful for my husband. Seriously, the guys is AWESOME! I appreciate how he steps up and helps me and pushes me. I am thankful that he knows me and my heart and soul. I am thankful that he loves God!

- I am thankful for my family. I won't lie, we don't all get along, but I am glad to have such a fun family. Sure, we can let each other down, but I am so glad for them.

- I am thankful that Parker, while born early, is doing SO WELL! We went to an OT appointment yesterday and he is doing great developmentally. He is on track with his adjusted age. There is a little concern with his communication, but the therapist is not at all worried - he makes enough noises and is communicating pretty well! He will babble and talk when he wants to. One thing I have learned with him, is don't push him, he learns on his own! We need to work on his sitting. He doesn't like to sit with his legs bent, which is just because of his muscle tone. He'll get there. He is ALMOST crawling! I am so thankful that Parker is "normal" even if he is small!

Yesterday, after Parker's OT appointment, Drew, P and I went to Riverside to visit the NICU! Surreal doesn't even begin to describe the walk up to the NICU! It feels weird to know that we get to leave with Parker, not visit him there daily. It's been almost a year - which is also insane! We got to see some wonderful nurses! Some who took care of Parker just hours/days after he was born. We got our picture taken so they can share it with others! I am planning on making a special picture present for the NICU as a thank you. They have a wall of different pictures and collages and I want to share our story with others!

I am having a better day today, as is Parker!!! Parker's skin continues to feel like sandpaper, thankfully those the redness is going away! His tooth I think is stuck, it hasn't come out any further - not sure if it just takes time or what. I am not a pro at all at this, so if any of you have any thoughts about teething and it feels like this one tooth is taking forever - please share.

This morning I got together with some of my friends from church for an easter egg dyeing party. It was fun, I love those women and the kids. And I got to meet a new friend - Monica, she is sweet! Parker didn't care much...i tried to let him help me with an egg, he just looked at me like I was nuts!

Tomorrow, Parker and I get to go to the zoo with some other friends. I look forward to it! I feel good getting out of the house and hanging with people. I need to do it more.

Friday is a big day. I have a lot to do before then! We found out Sunday that Drew's parents are coming for Easter! We were thrilled and surprised and hey, it's free babysitting! (Like I would turn that down. Are you reading this Pete and Angela - you get to watch Parker for us Sat. morning!!!) If I know Pete, he's probably jumping up and down in excitement ;) Before they get here though, we are taking Parker to his ped. to follow up on his skin. If nothing else, its more for peace of mind, than anything.

Well, that's all I have for now friends! Hope you all can find the positives today!

Tidbits - Parker, BlogHer 09

Hello Friends!

Well, I wasn't really sure what to write today...mainly because I don't have anything profound or thoughtful to talk about. My brain is fried. Being up with a sick kid last night and then being with him all day my brain is stuck in some hazy area of sickness. The good news is today at the doctor he confirmed that Parker has a nasty cold. Thankfully, his lungs are fine and sound perfect. Talk about relief, with the cough he has I was sure it was worse. But nope, it's not and it already sounds a bit better! He's needy and honestly, I like it, I miss my cuddly baby. I miss him being littler and wanting to be swaddled and nuzzled. He's been my little buddy and I love it. I just hate that he is sick and that's why he wants it. But he should be fine! Woohoo!!!!

In an on-going effort to make myself and this blog more interesting, I just joined the site BlogHer in hopes to not only meet new people, but also learn more about making this blog more than just a random site of my musings! I am constantly falling in love with the idea of making a more informative blog, but remaining myself and still doing my silly things I do. As I was looking around BlogHer, I came across this BlogHer Conference '09. I really really want to go, just not sure about any of the details in how to do that. To be honest our money is tight, so I don't actually know if I can go or not. I have a lot of details to work out...money, travel, companion?, Parker/babysitter, ect. I don't know...but I do know that I would enjoy it and am praying that somehow God will help me work this out. I already missed Blissdom 09 and I keep drooling over the details I read on other blogs and twitter about it. So I really really hope this works out, anyone want to come with me?

Other than that, I have not much more to say...wait, no, scratch that. I do want to say something else. I love blogging. I love the freedom and release it gives me and I love that I get to share myself with you. This is why I am hoping to work out the BlogHer conference, because I want to dig deep into this "blogging" idea and really stretch myself creatively. I also want to use this blog to reach others who have been blessed with preemies! But mostly, I just want to learn, grow and meet more amazing people through this blog. That is super important to me. I am shy and so doing things this way is teaching me alot about myself. In the future, I hope to make this blog more organized, fun, and a little more professional-ishy looking! To those of you who read this blog faithfully, thank you, it means the world to me. To the new readers, welcome and I hope you enjoyed my blog enough to come back. Remember, I am still new to all of this (I have been "blogging" for years - using xanga...but this to me is like more than blogging, it's a new "home".

Ok, I am out for the night! :)

Bummer

Can you all take the time to pray for us? Today my hubby's car broke down (for the umpteenth million time in 2.5 months) and I was driving it. I was attempting to merge from a entrance ramp that merges into the middle lane of an interstate...I got as far over as I could, but I wasn't quite past the cement block thingy so it basically got really bad. I had a panic attack and called 911 for a cop to come because I don't know the police number and was too messed up to try to find it. The guy on the other side of the call was great. He stayed on the phone with me some to help me calm down and said someone would be there soon. Drew quickly showed up and I ran to where he was (up the interstate some - talk about fun!) He ran back to his car and stayed until the cop and AAA came. The cop helped him get completely over onto the shoulder all the way. I think my panic attack came from the fact that people were honking and flipping me off. Like I could do something more. I did the best I freaking could.

Anyways - so we don't know if we can afford to fix it, if it can be fixed. Chances are it may just be better to get a new one...we don't know. But regardless, we don't have the money to fix it or the money to get a new one and the one I drive isn't exactly the greatest car and keeps over heating. I don't mind sharing a car, but if we do and I need it, it will make like difficult since Drew works clear across town. We are up the creek with a very limpy paddle.

Basically we are in a very sucky situation...and aren't sure what to do. Please please pray for us.

Thanks...

Writer's Workshop: Losing my mind!

Top Ten Things Swirling in my Head:

1) Where is my W2? I called my former boss in January to make sure she had my new addressed. She faxed payroll and yet no W2...now I get to wait for payroll to call...this stinks.

2) Why are people so mean? I am the follower of an amazing blog that for whatever reason is coming under scrutiny by people. Questioning this family's motives and being REALLY rude in the process.

3) When is this dang cold, snow and ice going to go away? I am SICK of it.

4) When will Parker finally sit up on his own, without some support? He does well for 10 seconds and then falls.

5) When can I get more money to go out and buy a couple of things at the flower factory? I want to get a new thing to hang on our front door...a welcome sign, but I need money first.

6) Weird dreams - I keep having very weird dreams. Tuesday night I had one where I was dating Michael Phelps and attempting to help him break his pot habit...he went psycho and tried to kidnap me while my friends (the seeds) took Parker. And then last night, I had one where I was in cambodia and wanted to go see the orphanage, but I was there for a safari and then some army guy tried to shoot me, but shot himself. It was really weird. I think I need some mental help or something.

7) Mommy Guilt - I am enjoying my book (not the side of my blog!) and I am learning a lot as I do read this book. Yet, I still feel guilty!

8) Toddler Room Stuff - I am developing structure and curriculum for the toddler room at church (and LOVING it) but am struggling with the lesson telling. I was planning to just do it the way I had seen at a Ministry conference workshop, but the more I think about it, the less I like that idea and want to do a puppet. Like a bear - Bobby Bear from the Vista Mountains. Have him help tell each weeks lesson, I think the kids would get a kick out of it and want to listen more. I just have to figure it out and see what my hire-ups think ( ore or less, do they think it would work!) I really like the idea!

9) Pregnancy - I want more kids, I do, but I am terrified of having the same issues I did the last time. At this point, I have zero desire to be pregnant again, but I keep thinking what if I get pregnant even though I am doing everything not to get pregnant. How would I handle that. I seriously don't think I would be happy about it at first. But then again, I shouldn't worry about it at all. Me and my worrying.

10) Valentines Day - Where should Drew and I eat? What should I get him? Why do we celebrate this holiday anyway? And for that matter, why do we celebrate Groundhog's Day? It's not like they have super powers or anything. And when is it Christmas again?

Your Turn, below are the prompts, choose one, or two, or all, writer up your post and head over to Mama Kat's Blog and leave your name under Mr. Linky!

The Prompts:

1.) Tell us about a lie you told that you later regretted.

2.) Choose a task you'd like someone to complete and write a poem asking them to do it.
3.) Describe a talent you have.

4.) Write a list of ten things on your mind this week.


:)

Writer's Workshop

It is time, once again for MamaKat's writer's workshop! Today's prompts are:
The Prompts:

1.) Describe a New Year's where you would have been better off just staying home.
2.) What do you do that drives your mother crazy?

3.) Share your favorite gluten free recipe (hey, so what if I rig the topics to suit my life...)

4.) Close out 2008 with your own TOP 10 list!

Stop by her site for all the rules!!!

Top 10 Things I Learned in 08
(these do not relate to Parker/birth/pregnancy)

10. I make one heck of a turkey!
9. I learned that I should not attempt to open a bottle of wine! (Then again, maybe it was because it was the first time I had!)
8. I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
7. I can shop on a budget!
6. Aldi's was made for me!
5. I am addicted to made for tv movies (Hallmark and Lifetime anyone!?)
4. I am in love with blogger! I should have started a blog like this forever ago. Blogger rocks...no more xanga for me (well except to read those who still have it!)
3. I am addicted to blogging, reading other blogs, and doing things like writer workshop
2. Never put your milk in the back of the fridge (it freezes - or at least it did for me!)

And the number 1 thing I learned in 08, not related to Parker is.........
God is and will always be good!

Top 10 Things I Learned in 08
(these ARE related to Parker/birth/pregnancy)

10. I still hate hospitals!
9. Even if you have needles stuck in you every three to four hours for 5 days....NEEDLES STILL SUCK and hurt and I still want to gag when I see them.
8. Sure, that porcelain throne in the restroom looks all shiny and fun, but it is, in fact, not fun to have to stare into the bowl of it over and over and over!
7. God gave us doctors for a reason...and they care about me and my son...that's cool.
6. I am not alone in having a preemie and I am so fortunate to have made many friends who understand this battle!
5. More comes out then what goes in...seriously....how does one kid eat SO much and still have 4 times that amount come out. Of course, that could also be related to his reflux...well no, cuz it doesn't come out the bottom end like that :/
4. I love pregnancy clothes, seriously, they are stinking comfy!
3. Babies should REALLY come with manuals. (especially when you start solids...)
2. Parker has the best daddy in the world.

And the number 1 thing I learned in 08 related to Parker

I am SO blessed. I have an amazing son who means everything to me and I can't believe the amount and kind of love I feel for him.

Now it's your turn, go on over to MamaKat's site and get started. You can pick all or one of the prompts! Enjoy!

Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 09 is looking fine!

Back to Normalcy

Well, my in-laws are gone and life is somewhat back to normal now. I had a great time having them here and spending time with them, cooking, talking, laughing, watching tv, seeing them interact with Parker, it all was great. But I am glad to be back to some form of normalcy. Our house is a wreck, I need to clean, organize, figure out where to put all this new stuff! But it is all a small price to pay for a good Christmas!

Yesterday we were able to go out and spend Parker's Christmas money. I got him a bath tub (finally!), more nipples, and a new cover for his changing table pad and Target rip-off Robeez (granted they don't fit, but he will get there). I am just so glad to have a bath tub for him now! It will make life easier! We also were able to get a blender for Drew and I that I will use when I start making our own baby food and a book called Super Baby Food. Once I get through this weekly new food thing, I want to make my own. My kid LOVES sweet potatoes and today, today we tried peas for the first time...it's a winner too! I still can't get him to like cereal really. Personally, I don't blame him, the stuff is horribly bland (yes I have tasted it!)

Parker is our of newborn clothes now and is finally in 0-3 months! This kid is just growing like crazy! He has so many new toys to play with, I need to get into organizing them!

I am really struggling to figure out what to use my christmas money on (this is what my family sends - makes it easier). I have an amazon list, but I don't really want to buy it for myself. I got the blender and the book, because that is important to me. I have other things I need, like jeans, clothes, undies, socks....but I wanted so bad to use the money of things I don't need but want...haha! I know one thing I will use it on is a zoo membership! Maybe a movie or two or something. I don't know. I am so indecisive!

Anyways, I guess I am just glad to be back to normal. I have some recuperating to do, I am worn out, sleepy, and feel icky today! i look forward to a quiet final week of 08!

Pictures to come later! (Check out my facebook for them if you haven't already!)

Hi, Again...PPD

I am in a load of tears right now, I just re-read the post by Rocks in my Dryer about PPD and the struggle. I want you all to know, in case you didn't, that I am currently struggling with it. I will admit that I am doing a ton better then when I was first diagnosed, but to be honest, I still struggle with it daily. I have grown at hiding it behind a mask. The mask of, oh I am happy go lucky me and everything is a ok. Secretly though, I sit at home and am down right miserable. Don't get me wrong, I have good days, many, often, but I do have those bad days. I feel so alone and find it hard and impossible to ask for love and help. To be honest, here is how you can help me. Don't expect me to come right out and be like...hey guess what I am depressed today. You will know I think, I may not come right out and say it, but if you pay attention to me on here, or facebook or twitter, you will know.

A tidbit from the post:
What I'd like for you to know about how to help a loved one going through PPD:

Listen, love, hug.
Practical help. Just show up and do something. It will be very hard for her to call and ask for help.
Take her out for coffee, a walk or a girls' night out.
Email her a Scripture-a-day or a note of encouragement.
Let her know she is a great mom! Her self-confidence is shot and her sense of what is "normal" is out the window.
Husbands need a break, too. Most likely, the stress and worry is taking a toll on him. Encourage your husband or another guy to take him out for lunch.
Prayer!
You may have to be more bold in your friendship if you notice she is not herself, suspect PPD, and need to question her and take her to the doctor yourself. It is ok to do that, just use wisdom.

I am not going to lie....there are days that I lay on the couch and feel terrible, I may not cry, but I certainly am not me. The other day when Parker was just fussy, I spent most of the day hiding in my bedroom while he would scream...I just kept saying, I can't do this, what was God thinking, I can't do this. I am on anti-depressants...sure, they help, but not ALWAYS. And on top of the PPD, things are tight here at home with money, which just makes it all that much worse.

So yah, I have PPD and I hate it, I hate that i can't always enjoy my perfect little miracle, I hate that I hide behind a mask, I hate that I am opening up about this because I felt lead to after reading the post.

Ok, I'm done now!

Not Me, Nope!

It's that time of the week again! Head over to MckMama's site for the rules of this weekly confession.

Weekly confessions:

Thanksgiving was amazing, except that something did not happen that made me cry. My son was not at all constipated and I did not have to actually help him get his #2 out. He did not scream in bloody murder and it did not break my heart.

I did not get wine all down my arm while trying to plug a whole in the turkey pan. This did not bother me because I just adore the smell of wine.

I had choir practice last tuesday and was running behind because people were not driving as slow as turtles, I did not in the hustle and bustle of not getting there late lost my son's blanket. I did not find it in lost in found and breathe a sigh, no wait, scream in relief.

I am not at all good at putting on masks and pretending to be something I am not. Therefore, at church yesterday, although I was feeling crummy, I did not pretend to be super happy and chipper because I really wanted to get into the conversation as to why things are hard right now.

I do not feel like a bad mom because Parker had issues pooing and now has a horrible diaper rash!

We are not at all broke and strapped for money in this house. It's not to the point where I am doing my best to sell things on craiglist because we are trying desperately to make ends meet. Nope, I would never admit to that. Because then I would get worried that people feel bad for us, because if that happens, I am not one to attempt to turn away help, because I do not get embarrassed about it and feel bad that people want to help.

I did not just admit to money issues.

I am not at all lonely most days and I do not want to get out of the house at all. And of course I always call people to see if they want to hang out, because it does not at all make me feel desperate.

I am not going to go now and take a bit of a nap!