Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Anxiety

Just the word gives me anxiety. My problem is, I am REALLY struggling it right now in regards to some things.

First, Parker! I am anxious about his therapy and that he will never ever talk. I am anxious about his allergies - the more he's started eating, the more I see reactions to wheat, which I know he has a mild allergy too. He basically breaks out anytime he has something wheat related (like his current addiction, cheese toast or oatmeal). It shows up around his mouth and goes away with in a couple hours. He doesn't seemed bothered by it, but I don't want it to get worse. I called his Dr. and we now have an appointment in 2 weeks with one of his associates who happens to be an allergist. To me, that's actually kind of nice, I don't have to have to go to a different place for allergist appointments. Ali - I believe you might know this certain dr...you like him right?

Parker's main therapist M was here today. He did pretty good, she's impressed with what he can do. She worked with him on stacking blocks and 2 step things...he did good! She let us borrow some peg puzzles to work on with him. It's his speech that causes the most anxiety - or stress I guess. I just feel like at times it is so pointless to sit there and have him try to repeat you or you repeat everything he says. Yet, at the same time, I see small improvements here and there!

Second, I scheduled a dr.'s appointment for myself. I hate doctors...seriously, if there was a phobia, I would have it and if there is one, I am sure I would be diagnosed with it. For me to have a consistent dr is a big deal. I have had my ob/gyn for almost 2 years now - that's huge. If she could be my dr for everything, I would do it in a second. But sadly, no such luck. Drew and I have lived here for 4 years and I have yet to have even just a family doctor for us. A lot of that stems from my fear of them. The funny thing is, I haven't always had this fear. In Indiana I had a family doctor I loved - but I can't exactly bribe him to come and be my dr. again and I don't want to move back to Warsaw just for a dr. The last family doctor I had was so mean and rude to me...and I haven't wanted to go one since. She basically "yelled" at me for being overweight. The whole reason I had gone to her was to get help and suggestions to lose weight and she turned it around and made me feel guilty for being heavy. Who does that? I left her that day bawling and never went back and decided that doctors weren't for me. But recently, I have been realizing it would be nice to have a consistent Dr. rather than going to urgent care all the time. So I dived in and asked a special friend about her dr and she talked to me about him and the practice he works for. Both Drew and I have an appointment with a female dr in that practice on Nov. 12. We are getting physicals - what exactly do these include? I think the last time I had a physical was in high school. So if anyone knows what they do, I'd like to know. I am really anxious not knowing. I do know they do a blood draw - which let me tell ya, I am so thrilled for NOT! But what else? I just don't want this dr. to be mean to me. I am scared that I have some horrible serious disease that they will find. The fears are endless.

I have anxiety about some other things too (like dentists....I didn't even like having to be there to pick Drew up when he had his wisdom teeth taken out last year).

I think I worry too much! No, I know I worry too much.

Oh and an update on little man's hands - they are all better. They still are sorta red where the new skin is growing, but he is completely unbandaged and using them fully. He is terrified of the oven now - when I open it he screams and cries. I am glad but sad that it took him burning his hands to get that way.

Hope you like my new look, my friend Heather did it for me! She's awesome!

5 comments:

*~Valerie~* said...

Parker will be fine with speech I'm sure in time...in the mean time just keep working with him.

I understand about not liking doctors, and I hate the ones who criticize about weight. What they don't seem to get is that we need support, encouragement and advice on how to achieve healthy weight loss...not berating. I've walked out of many a doctors offices because of that, I finally found a small family practice locally that the dr treats you like a human being with feelings!!

Usually for a physical they'll do height, weight, basic exam of ears, assessment of heart and breathing by listening with a stethoscope, blood pressure, and they will usually draw blood for routine labwork and anything else that could be a potential issue. So, nothing really too invasive. Hope that helps hun!

Valerie

Carrie said...

Ooh, I LOVE your new look! I'm sorry you've been feeling anxious. I would encourage you to just keep working with Parker, and eventually those words & sentences will just pour out- you never know how much they're absorbing, but can't express what they understand. And I'm glad his gross & fine motor skills are doing so well, too! As far as having a good doctor, I have no suggestions. I don't get physicals, I just go to my 'yearly' at my ob/gyn. I have a primary care physician for insurance purposes, who I've never met. But I get the weight thing, my OB is super hard on my weight & made me feel really bad today. When I got home I was so down that all I wanted to do was eat ice cream (wish I was joking). Anyway, I hope your dr. visit goes well. :)

Ali said...

LOVE the new look! Great fall color scheme.

Kaleena said...

Praying for peace for you:) My little Laneybug has developmental delays in speech, cognitive, and adaptive. She does speech therapy, occupational therapy, feeding therapy, and physical therapy. I know it is a struggle not to let the worry and anxiety overpower you when it comes to delays in your children. I will pray that he continues to learn and grow and thrive until he catches up with his age. They may take small steps, but they get there! Hugs to you:)

Crissy said...

Praying for you sweetie! For the Dr. appt. you have coming up you could call and ask what the physical will include. That way you will be totally prepared.

Let me know if you want someone to go with you! You know I would be there!

{{{HUGS}}}