Sunday, November 9, 2008

Fear, Faith and Prayer

I have always been a fear dwelling beast, in some ways, I think I have always felt at home in Fear-o-topia, but these past couple of days as I have followed the story of Heather Pick , a local news anchor who passed away Friday after lengthly with breast cancer. As I read the story, the interviewees always said that rather than playing the poor sick me card when it resurfaced in 2004, she began really living life and became an advocate for Breast Cancer Awareness. She didn't live in fear, but rather, relished in each new day.


I mean, it's not like I don't have a huge awesome loving faithful God on my side, right?

And I have been a believer my entire life, so why do I live in fear, fear of heights, death, pain, speaking in public, the list could go on. Fear has seriously crippled me from trying things and enjoying life to it's fullest. I think that this year speaks to how much I have over come personally!

This year has been a true test for me. It began so perfect, the beginning of my first pregnancy, so much to enjoy and look forward too all having my first little one and so much else. May turned everything around, suddenly I was thrust into a world I never knew, a fear I have always had...who knew one pain in my side could turn into the sudden delivery of my baby boy, 11 weeks early. All these fears swept into my head, would he be ok, would I be ok, was this my fault, this is my fault, was a disappointing everyone. i was scared for Parker for those 69 long days in the NICU, every day fostered a new fear, but every day fostered an even bigger hope and stronger faith in God, and I truly learned to let go and let God.

God healed my boy and allowed me to bring him home perfectly healthy. God continues to heal and hold Parker in his hands...

...why then, Oh silly silly Denise, do you fear even as you sit here typing?

I don't know. God has protected Parker and me and Drew, so why am I scared?

I really don't know, but today at church, Pastor Mike was walking about prayer and it hit me, I really need to pray more....I really need to pray even when it seems silly. If nothing else, when I am especially scared, prayer should really help.

I just keep realizing more and more the Power of God, he is bigger than any fear, any mountain, any hurdle, any pain, any suffering, and (president elect) leaders, any thing. God is in control, he loves us and does not delight in our pains and sufferings and struggles, he hurts too! How cool is that?

My God Is Awesome!


Ali said...

Very, very cool! Go God!

mel said...

Hi Denise, I found your blog through Carly(who's my best friend) anyway, I love your blog and this post! It really spoke to my heart and I feel the same way a lot of times too. But God knows no fear and always holds us in his hands..and for that I am overwhelmed and grateful:) Your son is beautiful!! What a blessing indeed. I hope you don't mind me hoping on over:) I love meeting new if you'd like, hop on over to meet me:) Warmly, Mel