Sunday, March 15, 2009

Now What...???

Normally I wouldn't post anything on a Sunday - maybe I would do a Sunday Sabbath post with pictures, but today I am posting something. I just need to "let it out" as one would say.

We survived our first night home since our scary ordeal with the ER Saturday night. To say the first night home was hard is a complete understatement. I was scared over every little thing Parker did that wasn't normal. Drew had to explain to me on several occasions that the albuterol will make him breath faster because of it being a steroid. That would explain a lot. Thankfully, Parker is doing so well that he has only needed his puffs every 6 hours - which is much better than the once an hour that was basically happening at the hospital. PRAISE GOD!!!! I am learning the difference between wheezing and Parker excitement breathing (they are almost the same!) Which is very helpful as well.

Right now, we are keeping him confined to his bedroom. When we got home last night, the cat was automatically put in our bedroom and has been there since. She doesn't understand why, but I kept telling her, she did nothing wrong, but we have to protect her baby brother until we can find her a new place to stay or until May when her grandparents can take her back to New York! Anyways, Parker's room is the cleanest in the house and the room with the least amount of cat hair. We got home and did as best of a deep clean as we could - we did a lengthly vacuum and dusted like mad men! We plan to get a nice air purifier for his room (well for most of the house!) and do our best to keep his room the least allergen filled.

Once we get our state tax return - we are getting a Dyson!!!! We also plan to, like I said, get air purifiers, some good cleaning solutions, lots of hand sanitizer and really step up in our effort to be more cleanly. Now, we are by no means dirty people, but our house isn't immaculate either!

I know it sounds like we are going crazy - but if these actions can help make things less hard on his little body, I am all for them! I don't want a repeat of what happened Saturday night...It was super scary and emotionally and physically draining! I don't wish it on anyone. I am thankful we got him to the ER when we could have been much worse, but I also don't want to put him at risk for anything getting more severe.

Emotionally....I am so drained. I haven't cried so much in a long time. Every breathing treatment pretty much inspired streams of tears, especially the first few at the hospital when he would scream and look into your eyes as if to say, why are you doing this. I barely slept at all while there. I was too into helping Parker. and when I did sleep, it was either in a recliner, a hard chair or the floor. To go from one day everything being ok and now, having to be careful with allergens and hand washing and cleaning things is so hard. I don't know that I right now can even completely comprehend what happened. I know I repeated my questions alot to the nurses - who, by the way, wanted to steal Parker (he's a charmer even when sick). The nurses we had in the observation unit were so nice and understanding. Praise God for them.

I have to say though...I realize just how much I love my baby boy. I mean, I knew I loved him deeply and unlimitedly, but with everything he went through in the love is just gonna burst. I would do anything to help him, make him comfortable and make him not struggle like he was.

**I should note that he also had a virus, which made this all the much worse!**

Anyways, so now I have to learn a new normal. I feel like I did back in August when I first brought Parker home - like I have to learn how to be normal again. I am scared I will miss him needing his treatment. I am scared of a lot, I am scared I can't trust my own instincts...SCARED SCARED SCARED! Somehow though, I know we will be ok. Things will become normal and everyday again. God will protect him. I will learn and life will return to a better place.

Please keep us in your prayers - we have a rather long-ish road ahead of learning how to live and take care of an asthmatic child.

Ok, off to try to rest - I skipped church because 1) I am not ready to have parker out and about quite yet and 2) I am so dang tired!


giraffegirl524 said...

i hope things get better for you! i'm praying for you!

Christy said...

Just a word of advise....hand sanitizer does not do anything..soap and water, they should have taught you this at the hospital. Hand sanitizer is fine if you're out and about and it's your ONLY option, but NOTHING is better than a good hard scrubbing under warm water and soap and don't feel you need anti-bacterial, it actually kills the GOOD bacteria our bodies actually NEED to kill germs.

Soap and water will kill the germs. You might want to look into pricing a home air purifier too (that goes into your home ventilation system, they may be too expensive, but may be good to save for it!).

Carrie said...

Denise, thanks for sharing. Everything will get easier again, I know it will. I'm praying for you guys & hope you & Drew can get some rest, and Parker feels better soon!!! Have a good night!