Orange for Stellan!!!

Today sweet Stellan is having his heart surgery! Today, we are wearing orange in honor of him as we pray the surgery goes well!

Parker in his Orange Shirt!!


I am wearing socks with orange in them - literally the only orange thing I own other then undies! I am not an orange fan apparently!

I hope you are praying too. Head over to MckMama's blog to see other orange wearing friends! If you are wearing orange and want to send a picture you can send it to orangeforstellan@gmail.com

Running on Empty

You know what, I am not even going to lie to you right now because the truth is...I. FEEL. MISERABLE. Not sick, no, but d-o-w-n down down down. I am empty and if that weren't enough, my heart is aching for a blog friend that has given me so much hope in the past (and still does.)

Tonight at life group we talked about God, his anger and his kindness. It was based off yesterday's message at church and the verse Roman's 11:22 "Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off." Our pastor gave the illustration of God holding us in his hands and how with just one swift movement, he could let us fall when he is angry. Thankfully though, we are the recipents of God's passionate patience! He sent his Son to satisfy his wrath, so that when we sin, his wrath his satisfied and he extends us Grace and is patient with us! Seriously, that is awesome.

Tonight we talked about struggles and God's anger and why we sometimes just don't call out to Him, or we only see Him as kind, not angry. One of the points we talked about was our struggles and the hat that we put on God (like "The God who Provides".) How we don't see him with all his hates, as the almighty and all powerful God we love.

As we were talking, I shared what was on my heart - emptiness/stuck in a muddy mess. I feel empty, 100% empty. I am spiritually empty, physically empty, emotionally empty, empty in my purpose, empty in my friendships..empty empty empty. I feel alone too, which makes it all that much worse. I no longer have a play group, I was asked to step down from my position for some things (that I didn't agree with) and because of this, I left the group. So my time that used to be filled up with hanging out with all these women has not turned into me sitting here at home watching TV or movies or napping, all while Parker naps or plays. Because I feel so sad and empty, I stay in and hide and push away from others. I have a lovely life group and I am thankful for each family in it. I consider them all close friends, but for whatever reason, I can't move out of myself to say, "Hey, M, can we talk?" Or "Hey, S, want to get together at the park?" I fear being a burden and or rejection, so I don't stand up and say, hey, I am lonely I want to hang out - let's get coffee.

Along with the emptiness, I feel stuck. I don't know what I want to do, what I should do, what God is telling me to do. I don't feel like I can hear Him or talk to him about me and my junk. I don't know how to explain it all.

And to add on to that, my heart is just so sad for MckMama and her dear sweet Stellan. My heart is broken for them as they face these trials with his heart and though I know her only through blogging, I wish that I could just go hug her and help her out. I have been praying for them daily (see, I can pray for others but not myself!) and I just feel so sad for them.

I guess what I am saying is please pray for me. I am in such a funk. I really need some peace right now!

Please be in Prayer *edit at bottom*

Dear Friends,

Please continue to stay in prayer for sweet baby Stellan and his family. Things are not getting any better and his poor little heart is so very sick.

If you are interested, please consider joining the prayer vigil that another blogger has set up. You can find that here.

For more of the story, you can kind it here.

Thanks friends! I plan to make a post later today!


2:50pm
I have no words right now. I can't imagine what the Mck Family is going through. I think about Parker and what he went through a couple weekends ago, but what he had failed in comparison to what this precious little boy is dealing with. I am so glad to see his family being so strong and trusting God, but I can imagine that it is not easy.

God is good, even through this trial that the Mck Family is facing. God is shining through, even if that bright light is hard to see. No, we cannot fathom God in His plans, but isn't it great to know that we have a God that loves us, a God that hurts with us, a God that feels pain with us, a God that can not be put in a box. He is so great and powerful and good, always good, always faithful.

I had planned to write today on the sermon from this past sunday, but right now, my thoughts need to be processed through. I have a lot I want to say, but today, today my focus is prayer for Stellan and the Mck family.

Father God, My heart is breaking for the Mck family. Just simply breaking. I don't understand all that is going on, but I know God, that you know and you understand and your plan is bigger and better than what we can understand. God, continue to help the Mck family be at peace. Be with the doctors and nurses as they offer their help to this family. Most of all God, please be with little Stellan. Be with his heart and his body. Help him to stop hurting and to be at peace. God if it's your will that he is healed, I pray that you will is done. If your will is that he be in your arms, I pray your will be done. I have no doubt that your plans are always the best, even if they are hard.

Father, it's in your name I pray, amen!

TidBits: HAHA moments, TN, Grocery, Parker

It's time for another issue of Tidbits. Tidbits is where I basically write all that is in my head. A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

1) I am happy to report that Mr. Parker precious pants is back to his normal breathing self. Last time he had any form of his inhaler was a week ago! He is acting as if nothing really happened. I still have to be careful with him, but I think it's all over with. I hope that his breathing issues never happen again, but with every challenge I realize that I am a great mom and know my son. I am sad in a weird way that he is no long on his steroids. They cleared up his eczema beautifully, but it's back...but at least it's not every part of his body, it's really just his cheeks and knees and his arms. I am continually rubbing lotion on him. It's frustrating, but with this nicer weather, it's not nearly as bad as it had been!
- 2 Quick Questions: 1) How do I teach Parker to use a cup? well a sippy actually. Is there anything I can do to help him realize you don't chew it, you suck? 2) If you baby has an allergic reaction to something, how do you know the difference between that and say just eczema?
Now I am not saying that Parker had an allergic reaction, but I just was wondering if maybe part of his breathing issue was due to one. It was the first day he had tried beef and he ended up in hospital. Granted I think his breathing had started out that day being more rough than normal, but not as bad until the evening. I feel like I am questioning myself and all I do for Parker. But maybe the hospital would have noticed if it were an allergic reaction - don't you think?

2) Moving along - I have to say, I find myself amused by random things. For example today, I am leaving the grocery. I am getting ready to pull out of my spot and I see this precious little old lady attempting to pull into a handicap spot. She totally missed it and ends up parking in the striped part. She sits there for a minute and realizes she didn't make it into the actual spot. I don't know, but I found it humorous. You know what else I find humorous? That I hate drinking wine, but I use it to cook with. They say only cook with wine you would drink - well what do you do when you wouldn't drink it? I think it tastes awful personally, I love cooking with it though because the alcohol cooks out. I think it's funny. Also funny - attempting to purchase wine when I know squat about it.

3) Speaking of the grocery - I have found the perfect time for me to go - 10am on Monday morning. I scored some awesome meat deals, there was no one in the store really, I got to take my time and compare prices and think through things. I loved it. And Drew got to be with daddy here at home so I didn't have to deal with him (though he would have been fine!) I am attempting to use coupons more...it helps!

4) I am getting so excited and giddy about May! On May 10th our church will be holding a dedication time during service. I will be dedicating Parker at that service (no it is not baptism). It happens to be mother's day too, what a great day. Also exciting, Drew's parents are coming down to be there during Parker's dedication. I am hoping maybe some of my family with come from Indiana, it would be awesome to have them, but I don't want to pressure them. Anyways, on the 11th - that monday - we are headed to Tennessee for a week. We are going to Knoxville and I finally get to meet Drew's grandma and grandpa and they will get to meet Parker too. We are going to go to Gatlinburg, Panther Creek State Park and other fun places. We are also going to Mt. Vernon indiana to see Drew's aunt and uncle. We may get to stop in Nashville! I am so excited for our trip, I can't wait to go on a proper family vacation.

This weekend we are heading to Cincinnati to see our friend's The Vinson's who moved to MN a few years back. I haven't seem them in almost a year and I miss them. Heather and I were roommates and I love her to death. I turned to her a lot during my pregnancy and even the first months of Parker's life. She is one of my BFFs! I can't wait. I also get so see some other college buddies too, we are having a cookout at the Reasor's; Brandee was my roommate the last year of college. And the Hobb's - almost all of the CCU posse.

I think that is all I have for today, other than to stay in prayer for Stellan and the MckMama family (see my other post from today.)

Love you all! Glad to be back in the swing of blogging!

PLEASE PLEASE PRAY!

My dear readers, please take a moment to be in prayer for MckMama and Baby Stellan! He is very ill, his heart is in SVT - meaning a very high heart rate. This can be very bad for young ones!

Thank you friends.

Lookie What I Got!!!!

My friend Ali, over at Alidotes nominated me and gave me the "Your Blog is Fabulous" Award! Thank you thank you. I think first off I want to thank God, and then the little people...mainly my son, Parker, without whom I would not have funny mommy stories.

I have decided to nominate my own 10 as well.

1.Ambient Light - The story of twin preemies, their worship minister dad and amazingly sweet mom. I just love this blog.

2. Morgan Kate - Another amazing preemie, I just adore the honesty of her mommy Heather and I love "talking" with her and giving her my infinite (or something like it) wisdom!

3. Muffin Top - Ahhh my good friend Amanda, I love her and her family. They were in our life group until they left us for warmer skies. :) Kidding, she is too funny and her son is precious!

4. Mama's Losin' It - my newest find and newest love. Mamakat is honest, and funny, and their kids names are unique and I love that!

5. Kayleigh Freeman - I adore this girl and her family. They really helped me move past myself and become someone that people can turn to. Kayleigh is a preemie as well and I adore her! She is a fighter!

6. Momdot - I love this site, seriously, so fun, I love all the blogs, contests, and the brutal honesty! This blog makes me happy!

7. MckMama - I love this blog for 2 main reasons, 1) if ever i am down, I can go to her blog for a good laugh and 2) she is honest about struggles and her faith shines through always!

8. Anthony - another preemie buddy, Kim, the mom has been there when I am losing my mind and not sure what to expect. Our sons were the same weight and height even though they weren't born at the same week or in the same year. They also had a lot of the same issues! I love knowing I can turn to another preemie mom.

9. Ceaseless Praise - Carrie is a friend of my hubby's but has become a quick friend of mine. She's always willing to offer advice, for that, I am grateful!

10. Homesick - another blog of a mom of preemies, her son's unfortunately did not make it, but what I love about reading her blog and what makes it fabulous is that she is honest. She doesn't down play the hurt and the sadness she feels. She is very honest about how she feels angry, sad, helpless, hopeless. That, to me, makes her just fab and just a wonderful human! She isn't putting on a brave face, she's just being her.

11. Bring the Rain - Angie, what a strong woman, I love her blog. ( Also love that she names of her daughters, especially audrey because, that is what I want to name mine!). She is a Christian, married to one of the singers from Selah and she is honest and growing daily in her faith, just like I am!

Here are the rules if you want to give out your own nominations and share the love!

Along with this fabulous award are a few rules:
- Put the logo on your blog or post.
- Nominate at least 10 blogs which you think are fabulous.
- Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
- Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.
- List five addictions.


And my 5 addictions:
1) Parker, duh!
2) Coca cola
3) The new season of the bachelor, Oh Please help me God
4) fuzzy socks
5) facebook!

Continued Prayers Please

Hello friends,

I wrote yesterday about my blog friend MckMama and her son Stellan. I am taking this moment to ask you, again to pray for this sweet little boy. He has been positively diagnosed with RSV. This can be very serious and in fact, Stellan has an intubation tray by his bed just in case.

While I don't know this family personally I love them as I would love my friends I do know personally. Please take a moment and say a prayer for this family and swing by their blog and leave some love too!

(And not that this even compares, but if you could pray for me, I have the flu and feel terrible.)

Thanks friends! :)

Prayer Requests for Friends!

First of all, if you could pray for my blog friend MckMama and her family that would be great. Their youngest, Stellan, has been sick for a while and is back at the hospital, so please pray for them!

Also, please pray for Kayleigh Freeman, she was to have a procedure today, but it was cancelled due to her being sick and having a hypertensive episode.

Thanks friends!

Happy Thanksgiving, I am so Thankful!

I got this at LolCats!

(I apologize ahead of time for my horrible grammer and punctuation...I was writing this through tears of joy and a very messy mind of clutter!)

Well friends, first of all, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that you have a ton to be thankful for!

As for me, I am so thankful for so many things this year.

1) First, that my son, while born early, is healthy and happy and home and handsome and perfect and mine, all mine! I will never fully understand (and I may never fully accept!) why my pregnancy ended so suddenly and why my son was born 11 weeks early. But when I hold him and he smiles at me, it doesn't matter. He is the most amazing thing ever, he has seriously changed my life, for the best. Through out the 69 days in the hospital, I don't know how many times I lost it, but looking at that amazing face, those beautiful blue eyes and eyelashes that go on for a million miles, it didn't matter. To think that God created that little man, inside me and gives me the daily strength to love him and be the best mommy I can be. Even if I am down, or upset or frustrated or just need an hour away. Parker is my light, my life, my love and I can't wait to see what this next year has in store!
2) For my husband, who was there for me in May, spent every night in my room, spent countless hours loving on Parker when I couldn't, held my hand when I would cry, loved me unconditionally and reminds me everyday I am worth it and beautiful. Sure we may fight, or get frustrated, but at the end of the day, I always know I can count on him. He never lets me down (well not on purpose) and he just makes me so happy. Thank you baby for loving me!
3) For having a Savior and heavenly Father who are always there for me and even when I may be upset and get mad, I know they love me, no strings attached. My faith has grown a ton this year and I have learned to rely on him. I am learning that he will take care of me and honestly, I am so sad that it took me 25 years to get to this point! But I am thankful that God never gives up on me.
4) For a church family who means the world to me. Those in my life group who have helped me and encouraged me. For those who provided me with food during the recoop. time after my c-section, rides to and from the hospital. To the food provided during the first two weeks Parker was home and I was losing my mind. For those who love me, no strings attached and who make me feel special. I can't even begin to express how fortunate I am to be in a church that makes me so happy. I can wake up in the worst mood, not even want to go to church, and by the time I am half way to the nursery, I am so happy. I just love my church, my church family and how much I feel loved and cared for.
5) I am thankful for my family, even if we don't always get along. I am loved tremendously and that is more important. I am thankful for my parents, grandparents and my siblings.
6) I am thankful for all my friends....every one of them. Each one holds a special place in my heart, and I love all of our inside jokes. I am thankful for my friend Jennielle who is hosting Thanksgiving tomorrow!
7) I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge (ok, well, what little is in there that is!), clothes to wear, warmth!
8) I am thankful for the connections I have made through the blogging world. I have some friends that I am glad I met. I am glad and thankful that I can be a testimony in many preemie parent lives.
9) I am BEYOND thankful and grateful for the doctors, nurses, and staff that have helped me with my pregnancy, birth and after that. My OBGYN, is amazing and I am glad that I found Dr. M, she is awesome. I am so thankful for the NICU staff that loved on my baby and helped him out those 69 days. There are many nurses there that I will always have a life long connection with and that I will love dearly. To our primary nurse, Angela, you may not read this, but thank you, For the countless hours you listened to me, hugged me and let me cry and for loving Parker as your own. To other nurses, M, D, K, C, P - thank you. Thank you for those of you who were there when I made the VERY tough decision to not pump anymore and to being there when I was scared! To the doctors who helped parker in the nicu, thank you! To Dr. D our ped. THANK YOU for understanding that I am a nervous mommy and never making me feel stupid! You all have seriously touched our lives and I look forward to PArker getting to know you all! To Nurse Mary, who held my hand as I lay on the operating table and who said the words I will never forget before my c-section, thank you! You're words comforted me!
10) I am just so thankful.

Would you believe that I am currently bawling? You know, I never wish on anyone the scary experience Parker's birth was, but I am thankful for it (as I said above.) I am so scared it will happen again, but thankfully, right now, i don't need to worry about it! It's so funny how God teaches you, ya know? I am deeply thankful this year for so many things and while it took something as scary as Parker's birth, I will never allow myself to not appreciate it.

God, thank you for all you have taught me this year! You amaze me! - Amen -

A Contest You Say????

Yes, a contest I say...

I adore a blog by a wonderful women of 4 beautiful children. If you haven't been there, then I am telling you, you don't know what the heck you are missing! Her name is MckMama and she has some lovely Mck-kiddos, 4 of them and blogs often about her life as Mckmama.

Currently, she is having a contest A Small Fryday Contest. It's super easy to enter and you get some pretty nifty prizes if you win. So stop on by and enter this awesome contest. And get to know a wonderful women and her amazing kiddos! Click here or above on the name of the contest to get entered!

Enjoy!